Discussion of "Lost in time (Part 2)" by Persephonie

milk....milk milk milk!!! aaauugghhh!!!!! :)

Please excuse my obvious faux pas'....I used an Explorer instead of an Escalade and I forgot the all important fact that the character's parent's are divorced. My apologies, guys. :)

I've done those things myself, many times. In your case, it did not detract from an exemplary chapter. Beautifully written, the scene where Tony tells her had me on the verge of tears..seriously. And I loved the line...."pink slip from life". Really outstanding! Another 5.

Persephonie I am absolutely floored. While the first part kept me shivering as it expertly recapped the previous chapter, part 2 puts it all back into perspective and then positively rips at your heart. Unbelievably amazing. Great, great work!
This is what I personally had hoped for when theblackhand introduced this magnificent idea. A chaotic roller coaster ride of emotions as this guy crept closer and closer to death.
But I never imagined in a million years the brutality of WWBs chapter and then the gut wrenching emotion of this one. Just so beautiful.
You have crafted a dynamo here. Wish I could vote it higher than a five. Wish it was eligible for a contest. There are so many great things about it that the few minor details like the milk and the vehicle just don’t matter a bit. As far as the parents…the situation can be explained away easily enough. Maybe the mother has remarried and the guys name just happens to be Tony. Maybe they have been together for so many years that our Character thinks of him as another Dad and refers to them as his parents. Or maybe his parents, even though divorced, have been making an attempt at reconciliation as of late and are living together again. Not a big deal.
I gave this a raving HIGH FIVE!

Thansnks, guys....I was hoping to pull on some heart strings...I was litterally crying at some points in the process, myself! I appreciate the comments!

Everything everyone else said and more! Love, love, love this chapter. I was lucky enough (or unlucky, depending on how mine is received) to be the one to write the chapter following this one. Hope chapter five fits into the story and someone continues on after me. Kudos to everyone who has contributed so far, very cool stuff guys.

You tied the other chapters into your narrative very nicely, a few errors aside. You connected with his family in a really great way, and I love that. Excellent work.

Absolutely beautiful. From shocking to heart wrenching and so expertly done. Great job!

thanks,everyone!

By far the best chapter addition yet. Hands down. Beautifully written, descriptively detailed...heartwrenching...I almost cried. It seemed so real. You have a gift at writing. Please, please don't ever give up this talent. I KNEW when you accepted you would do well. I NEVER knew that you would do so at this magnitude. I cannot say or thank you enough. 5! 5! 5! Bravo P. Awesome, awesome work.

I am honored!

Hi Persephonie! Can you email me at deityhoney11@live.com? I want to ask you about submitting a story for a project dogdiety11 and I are working on.

sure thing. if anyone wants to reach me i am at

www.myspace.com/angiequeenoftheworld

I was a little confused as to whether or not the cowboy scene in the bar actually happened. Was that one of the dreams brought on by the tumor? That was really the only thing that threw me. It didn't help that I was already off balance from WWB's chapter but this one easily brought tears to my eyes. I have to agree with everyone else in saying that this chapter was magnificently written.

thanks for the compliment. What I tried to do was take the previous 2.5 chapters and make them seem like they were hallucinations. I used "real life" scenarios (such as him packing to take a trip and the cowboy hat and sex with his wife) to show that real life influenced his thoughts and brought on the hallucinations.