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Discussion of "Chapter 1- Mother Trouble" by PaigeDoyle


1 PaigeDoyle 2 years, 9 months ago Reply

I want to tell everyone that the title Mother Trouble is the title of the chapter not the title of the whole story... I haven't made up a title for it yet. I don't really know whats going to happen myself.

~Paige Doyle :)


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0 Norcia 2 years, 8 months ago Reply

Haven't gotten to your chapter yet about Chloe, but I will. Would love to get some feedback from everyone about my two chapters of "Showdown." Chapter 1 is short, but I expanded upon it in Chap. 2.


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1 Norcia 2 years, 8 months ago Reply

This is a good starting chapter, because it gives the reader Chloe's background. And you really do paint her mother as uncaring and man-hungry, so it is easy to empathize with Chloe. I just want to give you some constructive criticism about the layout of the dialogue. When you write dialogue, make sure that each character has his/her own separate paragraph when he/she is speaking (with quotation marks, of course). Don't have the detective say something and then have Chloe say something in the very same paragraph. That causes confusion. Another thing...if Chloe and Sofia are doing something (whatever the verb is), make sure you write "Sofia and I" and not "Sofia and me." Sorry to be picky, but that's just a basic grammatical problem. Overall, this is a good opening chapter, and it has me wondering whether one of the mother's many boyfriends killed her. Maybe the detective was a jilted boyfriend and he killed her? Or maybe Sofia killed her? This is good, because you created enough characters for the reader to suspect!


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1 PaigeDoyle 2 years, 8 months ago Reply

Thank you for the feedback! I usually truth to put "characters name and I" in but I guess I didnt do that for this one very well haha. And I will do the paragraph thing in the 3rd chapter (I just put up the second just a heads up) and its ok to be picky! The picky people are the people who have helped make my favorite authors my favorite! Please be picky more! Haha but thank you anyway :)


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1 PaigeDoyle 2 years, 8 months ago Reply

Try not truth... I should probably proof read my replies like I to with my stories.


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1 Norcia 2 years, 8 months ago Reply

I make spelling mistakes in my comments sometimes, too. Don't worry about it :)


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2 WitherFromDivide 2 years, 8 months ago Reply

i love you chloe! i mean, uh, ****, gotta go...


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1 PaigeDoyle 2 years, 8 months ago Reply

??? Hahahaha ok?!?!?!


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