Keep this one going Nightingale, I want to see where it ends up... If anything, I think maybe I wish I could have a little more on the husband character. Right now he is almost like a caricature of a Bible-thumping, rigid guy... There must be some reason this woman went for him in the first place... Was she deluded, afraid, or was he a different man back then? I'd like him to be humanized a little more. Maybe you're planning on that for later... Let's see..

The reader is first led to think that the old man is this pearl of wisdom who's going to teach his grandson something great. The teenager does learn something, but not from being taught.

Bittersweet little poem about something everyone, young or old can relate to... I feel the last stanza could have been more powerful though, some kind of revelation about ageing that would convey the feeling of the earlier parts...

Hey Al
Great to see you're still on here... I haven't been very active in the last couple of years. Always appreciate your input. Glad you liked my story. It was somewhat inspired by a book I read recently, 'The Way to Timbuktu' by Pat Ryan, which is a nonfiction account of the author's journey to Africa. He admits it's not all completely accurate, but most of the facts and the spirit of the story is true.
The use of swearing was to highlight the feelings the character - living in the moment and having a heightened feeling of relaxation...
Anyway, I'm planning to have some more of these stories based on my travels... I'll check out some of your recent work as well. Great to be back!
PG

Well done. Good build up of action. Left me wanting to know more. The setting and the characters all seemed to work.

This has the makings of something very good. Characters are vividly described and you let their words and actions describe their personalities. The setting in a decrepit apartment is also done very well and seems to fit the story. Then at the end you introduce a background story which made me want to read the next chapter.

Yeah I'm not meaning to paint the corporate world with a broad stroke but I've had jobs where the dangers of commuting in bad weather is downplayed. It kind of seems cruel in some situations. As for the accident the main character gets into, it was similar to an experience I had getting stuck driving in a flood in Jersey City, New Jersey. I was stuck floating in a car with no power. When I called 911, no one answered. I only got out when a large truck actually pushed me out.

Well I'd also like to invite anyone else who might have similar stories to collaborate or build upon what I wrote. I like to write about places or subjects I know firsthand, and I thought NYC was good since I worked there for years.

Pretty good first story. Good action, fast pace that keeps the reader interested. The only criticism I have of it is that I found it hard to follow at times. I wasn't sure who was doing what or with whom. Otherwise, it was very enjoyable.

This is really a place for writing fiction, but I'll critique it anyway. I think the narrator is definitely at a frustrated point in his/ her life. He/ she is venting about the constrictions living with relatives has imposed on him/ her. I'd like to say the narrator is being unnecessarily harsh on the relatives, but I do know that sometimes you just gotta get out the feelings you hold inside.