Discussion of "The Transient Horror (Revised)" by OrphicEgg

I read this story with my eyebrows down the whole way.
Great job describing the story and making me feel what you are writing about.

I'm glad you're here!

good first chapter. reminds me of a song, by peter gabriel, about a killer. can't think of the name. Also reminds me of the first time i read catcher in the rye, and i went out and killed that guy... oh sorry, pretend you didn't read that.

Great first paragraph, very engaging. Great overall too. It reminds me, in a strange way, of the song that Eponine sings in the Les Mis musical, "On my own."
I saw only one thing which needs fixing - that's your "it's." Get rid of the ' - saw it twice; small detail. ;)
Scored it a 5. Beautiful job.