Discussion of "Harvest 2: Bringing In The Sheaves" by OriginalSim

I like the twist, but I’m not sure how practical a murder method drowning someone in a well is when you plan on dragging them out again later and hauling them to a barn. But Maybel may have her reasons. I liked the interplay between Maybel and Jimmy, it seemed very natural and easy. And the back story was a really good set up. Nice work!

Thanks honeygloom! I think Jimmy's pickup has enough horsepower to drag someone out of a well. ;o) Maybe I've said too much, though.

Ahhh... I didn't think of the pick-up:)

OriginalSim~ This was terrific man! I love what you did here. Your character development was awesome. The back story and the speech impediment are perfect.
The ending was a smash! All out gruesome thumbs up.
Here is my issue though…what now? We are only at chapter three of six and we already know who is in the well. We know why they are their. We know who robbed the parent’s grave. And we know Maybel is a loon! Sure, this will be a blast to MASH, but I’m not sure there’s much of a ‘wow factor’ left to be had.
Guess we will see what the next creative writer has in store! Maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised.
I voted this a four…and only because I felt like, that for this project, it revealed too much for a second chapter. Other than that, everything else about it was an absolute five!

dog (and honeygloom) -- I love you both dearly and I appreciate your comments and also respect your decisions. However, I must say you don't seem to have enough faith in the intensely creative denizens living here!

I'll gladly withdraw myself from the project, if the following violates an SM rule, but here are some helpful hints, maybe someone will find useful. Maybe I should break down and write my manifesto of mash ;o)

We do not 'know' who is in the well or why. Yes, I imply, but didn't lock it in. Same with the parents - they do not appear in the description of the couch. At most, I imply that they are there. If they are not - are imaginary - then the dog and girl referred to could also be imaginary, rather than being the "items" in the well; suggesting that Maybel is imagining her parents living there (psychologically compensating for the grave robbery) and will bring an imaginary dog and girl 'next time'. With an explainable coincidence re the well dwellers. Or she could bring effigies. Or voodoo dolls. Maybe she has a weird gift to suck the soul out of living and dead lifeforms.... But she is innocent until proven guilty. Speaking of which, why would Ben be 'a little drunk' after hearing his GF has gone missing? I'd be sober as hell and still looking for her!

So, in essence, I haven't really added much. I have filled in some rather shadowy places in a vague manner which I feel can be molded further downline for even bigger twistiness.

Awesome follow up OS! By all means, always feel free to add comments such as these. Particularly if there is a certain direction you would like to see a MASH go. There are definitely no rules against that. Just be mindful that another writer has the freedom to ignore your suggestions and go wherever they want…but I think it’s a terrific idea to leave helpful tips like this.
I have full confidence in the creative community here and I’ll be anxious to see where someone takes it.

Howdy Original Sim...

So now we have a solid storyline, some possible madness/make believe on the part of Maybel (according to your comment) and a pick-up truck capable of dragging bodies...

I'll give it a shot! Let me know what you think. I gave you a 4 as well - the style of chapter 1 was a little lost, but that may well prove to be an interesting device later on, for example, during "killings" or something the narrative gets choppy and grotesque...

My first offline draft matched more closely to the first chapter's flow. However, the length of the piece made the choppiness quite tiring to read. I like your idea of how to deal with that. As for the grotesqueness - I just stink at writing horror! I wish I could have written it just a touch more 'darker' - little things, like having Ben's 'new' puppy growl at Jimmy instead of the friendlier barking.

As always, my hope is people will run with it so that together, the piece is a cohesive whole made from the minds of all the talented, creative people here on StoryMash.

Originalsim, this is outstanding, down to every detail. I appreciate your understanding of rural life and culture, down to the firewood. The characters and relationships are wonderfully detailed and believable. I give you a 5 for perfect.

Well, thanks, Cornelius! I've been lucky in that I've lived in larger cities (NY, LA, KC) and really small / rural areas, do I am a little more than passing familiar with both lifestyles. Glad you liked it!