I have to believe I was dreaming. At least, right now, I'm convinced it was a dream. Two hours ago it seemed so real. I was eating a snack and watching TV... I can't really remember what show. All I know is that suddenly, my left arm went to sleep: or at least that's what it seemed like. It went numb and tingly anyway. I don't know what the hell I could have done to cut off the circulation like that. I was sitting upright.

Anyway, I hate that tingly feeling. When you bump it, it feels like electric eels are swimming under your skin. Tiny, biting, shocking eels, drinking your blood and shocking the hell out of you.

Then I remember vivid colors flashing all around the room, as if the TV had melted, spewing its colors willy-nilly all over the house. Naturally, this bothered me. Maybe someone slipped LSD into my coffee. Then my scalp felt like it was crawling with eels, too. My neck froze and the room started jumping, I remember. Or, well, my thought was that the room started jumping – shaking – convulsing. The eels procreated in my liver and heart and chest and thousands of them swarmed all over my body, ripping and shocking and tearing.

Then they entered my brain.

I felt them stop in awe. Thousands of electric eels, mouths agape, staring at my intensely discharging brain. They whispered to each other – excited at finding a power source they could tap into: grow stronger, take over my body; the world.

They attacked. I shook, every fibre of my body jerking and contracting randomly. I shook so hard that my skin split.

I was split in three. A White Self, a Black Self and a non-entity peering at the scene below. Each self was complete. The Black Self was moved into a curved, teardrop of a white room. The White Self was moved into an adjoining room, also a curved teardrop, but of black. Me, as a non-entity was apparently floating above, looking down at the yin-yang that was the rest of me.

Black Self cursed the white walls and floor, then started screaming: ranting and railing against God, who must hate me. A God so cruel as to destroy my life and that of my family. Black Self wailed that I had done nothing to deserve this: I had led a normal, decent life. I had never hurt anyone. I had given money to the poor and helped those in need.

None of which was necessarily true.

White Self shivered and wept, prone on the smooth black floor, begging forgiveness from all sin. White Self praised God for all the wonderful things I had: my own business, my loving wife and children. A thanksgiving prayer for the comfort of the black walls and floor poured forth, with sobbing breath. The prayer continued into a plea to help me: I need your strength, Lord, and your comfort. Heal me, O Lord, by your grace and lead me to the path you desire of me.

Most of which was necessarily sincere.

As I peered down at the plural me (mes?), I saw two men outside the doors of the rooms. Like the “mes”, there were two of each: one pair in a Red Suit and one pair in a White Suit. The Red Suit entered the black room to talk to White Self. The White Suit entered the white room to talk to Black Self.

At exactly the same time, White Suit and Red Suit asked Black Self and White Self why I thought I was here. I answered, both at the same time: because God hates/loves me. They asked me if I regretted anything in my life. No/Yes. Did I love God? No/Yes. Did I feel I deserved another chance? Yes/No.

White Suit and Red suit left, while Red Suit and White Suit entered. Red Suit asked Black Self questions while White Suit asked White Self the same questions at the same time. I felt more comfortable talking to them: they seemed to understand my feelings and encouraged me.

I loved/hated God. I thought I was deserving of nothing/screwed out of everything. I wanted to spread happiness/pain and encourage life/death. I promised that I would, for the next some-odd days anyway, glorify/trash God's word and try to help/hurt everyone I met. I would pray for/curse peace and be against/for war. Seek the helpless and support/slay them. Care for/disown family. Live/die/hope/destroy to/from/for/all hope/love/life/peace.

I think the word is dichotomy. A pair in opposition. I was Dichotomy. Or maybe that should be trichotomy, since a third self existed which watched over the other two.

At the departing of the red and white inquisitors, I suddenly realized how unique I must be. As humans, we tend to see black or white; we tend to take sides as Republican or Democrat, Muslim or Christian. Within, for instance, Christianity, we take further subdivisions and call them shades of gray, but they really make us side up with Baptist or Lutheran, Catholic or Methodist. Even within the tiniest fraction of our pathetic existence, we take sides and, at all costs, defend them to the extreme. It is rare to find someone who can see both sides clearly - or anyone who is willing to examine the reverse of their beliefs, their opinions, with true heart.

As I thought about God and the world, I remembered some passage from the Bible, where Jesus, maybe, told someone they couldn't be “of God” and “of the world” at the same time.

I could. By seeing both sides of everything, I had within me the capability of solving every human problem that ever existed. Because I could uniquely percieve the core attributes of every disagreement; I could relate to both sides and be the perfect mediator.

I was overjoyed/devastated.

I am Dichotomy.

And it really sucks that I'll be dead in three weeks.