(To the tune of the Gilligan's Island Theme Song)

Now sit right there and you'll hear a tale
A tale of him and her,
That started with a strange red pill
And caused them quite a stir.

The dreams they had were really weird
Ambiguity was tossed.
If not for the help from the fearless crew,
Their minds would sure be lost
(their minds would sure be lost)

FADE IN: (We see two people – HIM and HER – clinging to a collection of waterlogged boards as they reach the shore of the lagoon. The makeshift raft bumps against the sandy shore and the two groggily climb on to the beach.)

HIM:
Wow. What a trip!

HER:
Yeah. But we're safely on land now. What a romantic view!

HIM:
Are you thinking what I'm thinking. (HIM gives HER a wolfish grin)

(SFX: audience laughter)

HIM:
Rowwr! (HIM enfolds HER in his arms and they begin 'making out')

CUT TO:
(GILLIGAN walking through the jungle with a bucket, towards the lagoon, whistling a tune. He hits the edge of the tee line and beach and sees HIM and HER rolling on the beach.)

GILLIGAN:
Ahhhh! Cannibals! Run!!

CUT TO:
(High speed footage of GILLIGAN running through the jungle back to the huts.)

(SFX: Audience laughter)

GILLIGAN:
Skipper! Professor! Cannibals! Skipper! Professor! Cannibals!

CUT TO:
(The SKIPPER sees GILLIGAN running full tilt towards him)

SKIPPER:
Gilligan! Watch out!

CUT TO:
(GILLIGAN runs into the castaway area where the PROFESSOR and the SKIPPER are building some sort of wooden contraption with a large cross beam. GILLIGAN runs into the beam, knocking himself out and tearing down the whole shebang)

PROFESSOR:
Gilligan!

SKIPPER:
Oh, I'm sorry Professor! Gilligan has done it again!

PROFESSOR:
Well, you splash water on him and I'll begin re-rigging this.

SKIPPER:
All right Professor!

(SKIPPER picks up the bucket and tries to throw water on him. It is empty, so SKIPPER begins slapping GILLIGAN)

(SFX: Audience laughter)

SKIPPER:
Hey, little buddy! Wake up!

GILLIGAN:
Uhhhh! Hi Skipper! Professor! Oh! I forgot! Cannibals!

(GILLIGAN jumps up)

PROFESSOR:
What are you talking about, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN:
Oh, it was terrible. I was whistling and then I saw cannibals at the lagoon and then I ran here and then... I don't remember! Cannibals!

SKIPPER:
Now, take it easy, take it easy. By the lagoon, you say?

PROFESSOR:
What did they look like? Were they from the Ubunga Booga tribe?

GILLIGAN:
I don't know. What do the You Bungle Boo Boo people look like?

(SFX: Audience laughter)

PROFESSOR:
No, Gilligan. The Ubunga Booga. They wear grass skirts and war paint.

GILLIGAN:
Oh. No. They were just.... What's that noise??!

(SFX – branches swishing and twigs crackle under footsteps and a “Hellooooo?”)

GILLIGAN:
Oh! Oh! OH! It's them. Cannibals! Save me Skipper! Save me!

(GILLIGAN jumps into SKIPPER'S arms. SKIPPER sets him back on the ground and slaps GILLIGAN with his SKIPPER's hat)

(SFX: Audience laughter)

SKIPPER:
Gilligaaaaaan!

(SFX: Audience laughter)

GILLIGAN: (pointing to SKIPPER)
No, really! Eat him! He's fatter than me!

(SFX: Audience laughter)

(HIM and HER enter from the jungle)

HIM:
Hello! We, uh, are lost and hoping you might help us...

SKIPPER:
See, Gilligan? Cannibals don't speak English.

GILLIGAN:
Maybe they are well educated cannibals! (SFX: Audience laughter) Maybe they went to Harvard. Hey! Mr. Howell went to Harvard. I'll get him to talk to them!

(SFX: Audience laughter)

PROFESSOR:
I don't think so, Gilligan. Hello! I am the Professor and this is the Skipper and Gilligan. Welcome! Would you like something to eat?

GILLIGAN:
Ohhhhhh!

(GILLIGAN passes out and falls down as we cut to commercial)

And they woke up.

He went into the bathroom and did the things he was supposed to do.

She went into the kitchen and did the things she was supposed to do.

He ate and then went to the place where he worked.

She stayed home and cleaned some things and then
later went to the store and bought some things.

All day long, they both kept thinking about the words: ‘Be ambiguous no more!’

That night, once again…they each swallowed another red pill…and quickly drifted off to sleep…