Discussion of "The Bayan-Ölgii Factor" by OriginalSim

I feel like there are alot of holes:

1- you say that these dinos have avoided extinction for so many years.

2-after not being discovered for so long, they were recently sighted everywhere.

3-Someone wanted to collect all of them but was unsuccessful.

4-Suddenly, there are only these few remaining for observation.

So, if I am to believe you, these cunning, astute and agile creatures elluded humans for centuries, turn up suddenly, manage to avoid capture but now only have a few remaining numbers. It doesn't quite sit right with me. So, the context is a little vague, but I do like dinos, so I give you a 2.

DUH. This is story mash, where we LEAVE holes for others to creatively fill in.

1: NOWHERE does it state that they avoided extinction. No one could say how they survived: therefore perhaps they didn't survive. They could have been genetically engineered from DNA stolen from MOR 1125, the (real) T. Rex mentioned in the story. They could have fallen from space. They could have been hatched from eggs found by a Russian or Chinese scientist. Am I supposed to TELL you how to write chapter 2? No. Creative mash writers here will decide what happened and what happens next. Don't you "get" what mashing is?

2: Wow. Maybe their sudden apearance means the opposite of your point #1. Maybe they WERE extinct. This isn't a friggen historical documentary. It is INTERACTIVE FICTION. Creative mash writers here will decide what really happened.

3: Yes. And your point is? Let me clue you in. Maybe some creative mash author will, in chapter 5, pick up the unnamed billionaire, give him and his minions names and have him enter the story. Gosh, wouldn't THAT be cool and mash-like?

4: NOWHERE does it state that there are only these few remaining. As a matter of fact, 12 sightings over 46 years would clue most people in that there may be hundreds more of them yet unfound. Or not. Creative mash writers here will decide what really happens.

I have an idea. Learn what story mashing IS. Maybe then you wouldn't rate it so low because you are too lazy to come up with ideas to add. If you put your negative energy to rest and concentrate on positive work, by golly, I bet you might even be able to write something other than bashing the mash community for doing exactly what this site intended.

Great story, very mashable too.

Great story OS. I thought the "holes" were just right for mashing. You are absolutely right. If you answer all the questions here, what's the fun in continuing?
Hey, can you email me at deityhoney11@live.com? I want to ask you about a project dogdeity11 and I are working on.

I wasn't bashing you. I was just stating that I felt there was something lacking in continutity...from my own personal viewpoint.
And that is what commenting is all about. I did not say it was not interesting or mashable. Quite the contrary, I believe it is. Completely! However, it did not capture my unwavering attention or lead me to want to continue it, which is the point of mashing. Again, this is a personal thing. And since comments are coming from personal viewpoints, they should be accepted as such. I am no professional. I just know what I like to read. I offered to you what I thought might help someone like ME be more interested in your work. You can take it or leave it. No one has to agree with me. And I did not have to tell you what I rated it, but I did, because I feel that in doing so that you might get one person's true evaluation and maybe consider it for later works. You don't have to, though. I have written some pieces on here that have been very well received and others that have been trashed. I use the feedback to gain perspective as to what general audiences like to read about. Because, after all, if I ever did write professionally, then I would hope to grasp a wider audiences' attention. This site is kind of a spring board to see what potential we all have. You DO have potential. But you will stiffle the realization of reaching it if you think that people are bashing you just because they don't love your work.

Well, I'm all for people rating low based on the story not being their cuppa tea. Trust me, I have several stories here in that realm ;o) that deserved even lower marks. But I feel I did my job here and that a 2 was unwarranted since it was based on anti-mash principles.

I will send an email as soon as I get back!

I think this is a great beginning!! Very awesome work! I only hope someone will be able to make a chapter 2 worthy of what you've started! Great work OS

Thanks, JadeRose! I'm blushing ;o)

There are tons of talented writers here, so I'm sure any follow up chapters will rock!

I have to say I can see a lot of ways to mash this story. I think you've done a great job of creating a lot of interest and making the reader think lots of 'what if?'s. I give this a 5 for setting off more sparks than a piece of flint!

Nice story - very open for it to be continued, I can never seem to do that; I always want to wrap up my stories. I'm gonna look to see if anyone has managed to continue the story as well as you've started it. It's not the sort of story I personally am interested in, but I still found it captivating.

Hey...not being mean or anything...I just want to know what Bayan-Olgii means so I can figure out how the title relates. Cool story.

Bayan-Ölgii is the western-most province of Mongolia, sharing borders with both Russia and China. The name apparently means "rich cradle".

I assume that means something closer to "fertile crescent" rather than referring to some sort of "wealthy baby bed".

The relationship of the title to the story is (at least until someone mashes a better reason) because the dinosaurs are found only in that region, and I thought that could indicate that something in that province is uniquely available; being a factor to why the dinos seem to be only there.

Thanks everyone - your comments are appreciated. Even if I don't agree ;o)

Great story, OS!! Loved it and as soon as I can get a chance I'm gonna mash the heck out of it! LOL. This was interesting, compelling reading and a perfect mash product.

I liked your Dino's. I found the story entertaining and it moved at a good clip. My only beef is in the way you ended. Meaning, I wanted to turn the page but then next one hasn't been written yet. Bravo!

Thanks writer, Acee! We would have to mash full-time and into overtime to catch up on all the great starting chapters here on StoryMash. I wish I had more time, but am involved in a few projects which severely limit my writing (here, anyway). I am really hoping to be able to put out a follow-on chapter to whomever wins the first round. Hopefully, I'll have the time... sigh.

Didn't we do Jurasic Park already?

LOL. You've obviously never seen Jurassic Park or haven't read the story. Or both.

Great opening. This story has a web of possibilities…

One of the best written stories, your style is clear and succinct. Even though I have no interest in sci-fi, I found myself quite entertained by your story. Found the shift in tone a little bit jarring, though, when Tom and Dr. Stewart start talking.

You are a wonderfully descriptive writer. The opening paragraphs were wonderfully written.

The only real concern I have is that this story will turn into something akin to "Jurassic Park." I had a hard time NOT comparing it to "JP," even though Crichton's novel and your chapter have many, many differences.

The last line was CREEPY AS HELL! That was probably my favorite part of the entire chapter, and you did a wonderful job giving writers of the next chapter a variety of directions to go in.

Overall, great job!

I have to say the same thing to you that I meant to say to Persephonie - Ignore the comments that try to suggest your story lacks anything in the originality category. Remember the old writer's truth - "There is nothing new under the sun." Originality is in how you tell a story, not in if anyone has ever written a story about the same topic.