Discussion of "Vaguely Familiar" by OriginalSim

good begginging

Thanks HFW! I tried to make it a definite beginning.

Hey OS,
What I loved: I thought this beginning was amazing. At first I was like, dude…where are the details…then I realized it was supposed to be like that. Very, very cool!
Constructive Criticism/Personal Opinion: Not much really. But in the interest of trying to be more critical…only thing that slightly distracted me, totally from a personal perspective…is the addition of the word ‘had’ in some instances.
Example: "Over there." the bored woman had waved her hand…”
Heck, for all I know it is grammatically correct. Not sure. Just seemed unnecessary to include it.
Overall I rated the chapter a 5. Why? Firstly, because it was creative and unique. Secondly because, (in my opinion), it embodies what this site is all about. Creating the perfect chapter to MASH off of.
With that being said…I couldn’t resist the urge. I tried to continue your theme and allow for some creative follow-up chapters. Hope you like it.

I appreciate the feedback and the nice words! And the next chapter is _awesome_ - I left comment.

As for the tense - I was hoping it wouldn't be distracting, as I did do it intentionally and maybe messed up - but: I wanted to have the story pick up as he goes to get the item; therefore all text before that should have been in 'past past' tense and from that point in past tense. It probably didn't work to my advantage, but I wanted to see how it felt....
And I do try to do 'set ups' in every thing I write here - dropping hints, leading the story in a vaguely familiar way, so to speak...... lo)

lol - Very cool. You never cease to amaze! Can't wait to read dog's.

Wow where have you been?... I missed some of your writing and now this is why. Great job Glad to see your name again.

Huh? Me or wsells? I've been here, although felt like maybe I was invisible........??

I'm actually talking to you slim... as I just haven't seen a story by you in awhile. Let me know what you think of my drafts, will ya?