All Comments by OriginalSim

I think that's "apathy is the mother of perspiration", but don't quote me on that. Ah, what the heck. Go ahead and quote me on that...

I have to complain about the unusual speed and apparent attention to detail on this one. If I had my way, the story would have continued in a more or less exactly similar way. Only I would have had you write it, bpw, which of course you did. And then there is the characterization. What were you thinking? They are exactly as they should be, much to my irritation. I expected much less from you, I'm afraid. I have no choice but to give you a low 4.5. So, now I'll go and plot the next chapter after the one after this one. Which next hasn't been written as of this writing, and so I must strive to anticipate the next author's chapter in order to fulfill my goal.

Wow... talk about ramping it up! Excellent!

Well, I hope it ends up being the middle of the book, anyway... it's currently the end of the book (hint, hint, people). I'm sorry about the asides - I do that way too much (I do really try to limit it [as much as I can] but fail miserably) and it can be distracting.

I tried to infuse it with as much Doug Adams as I could, and fell very far short, but am glad that there is at least a hint of him - so thanks for that!

Enjoy the rest of the story - I know you'll be pleased! Those other authors rock!!!!!

Sorry for barging in, but I couldn't pass this one up in much the same feverish way I would pass on peanut buttered popcorn.

Been working this up over the last 6 weeks or so - shows how little time I really have. Thought it was ready enough to throw out to all you talented people!!!!

Hmmm. I don't think I like Sherman at all, but probably not for the same reasons as Red and Rhonda don't not like him. I've met him. I hate him.

But, this isn't about him. It's really about how great a job Silver did, which she did, and it was definitely worth waiting for!! Kudos!

Arrr, mateys! Just sailin' in ta wish one and all a happy International Talk Like A Pirate Day!!!

... and thanks for the kind words!

With aplomb? I have faith in your abilities...

Well, I'm proud to say that I didn't spend as much time agonizing over this as I thought I would.

Nash, I'm glad it works for you... I was terrified that it might only "not suck" ;o)

Chloe: I could (maybe) ghost write yours, but then we'd all miss your particular gifted style. Especially me!

Rock: Thanks! Comments / critiques - either are appreciated!

HG: Thanks! He's either a genius or crazy or both. Kinda like me. And I'm closer to his age than I like to remember. If I could remember. Eh.

Besides, the repitition of the spinach crab queso was probably better... ;o)

I have a good start on it, but the ca-ca hasn't stayed out of the fan long enough for me to do anything more... Since it's FRIDAY (!!yay!!) the day job is out of the way -- I hope to get it done between show tapings this weekend. If I get lucky, maybe as soon as tonight, but worst case, late Sunday.

Shameless Plug - The Steve And Kathy Show's new season starts this Sunday!!!! It'll be on the interwebs at their site and some local TV shows.... I'll be the preacher in the red coat and straw hat.....

Okay Chief, I'll get on it right away!

That's a quote from some cartoon or show.... maybe Get Smart?

okay. can't resist

Let's do the time warp. Again.

Call forth the Holy Handgrenade of Antioch!!!!

Well, then I don't mind mentioning Andre Alice Norton, as well as Asimov. Guys can't handle that comparing them to females thing.

Okay. But I hope I never leave a vacant spot!! I was wondering about the gender (needlessly) but I think this post may have a clue... I'll study it at length and see if I can't discover the answer. It's tricky. Even for a genius! ;o)

Not _my_ real name - "Cos I Am A Visa" is an anagram of Issac Asimov - re: a comment I left long ago on one of your SM offerings... ;o)

Did you know that "Craves Deli" is an anagram of your true identity? I think that's pretty cool since you could be the the world's next "Cos I Am A Visa"

Hey! Cool! We needed a 19 year old genius! I'm the 49 and almost 50 year old genius. I think we have most of the ages covered by now. ;o)

Welcome!

That works for me, but you might have to nickname him with some suitable cat name, like Fuzzard or something. ;o)

I heard a rumor (rumour for you Queen's English people) that the next Project And Contest was going to revolve around comedy. I also heard that each story must somehow incorporate a dwarf Rhinoceros, two postage stamps featuring a tequila bottle (full or empty) and any object exhibiting complete anachronism within the time setting of the story. Any truth to this rumor/rumour?

FIVE cats!!??!?!! Everything else is cool, but FIVE cats??? Don't you know the rule of threes? You need to get another cat. I, myself, have six and so am in line with the International Suggested Number Of Cats Per Person Guidelines.

DUDE! Long time no read! Howsit? Whatsit? I've been on and off for a while, too... WB!!

oops!!
I'm in the new season, which starts airing on 9/14

Well, thanks, Cornelius! I've been lucky in that I've lived in larger cities (NY, LA, KC) and really small / rural areas, do I am a little more than passing familiar with both lifestyles. Glad you liked it!

All the better to entertain you with ;o) (sorry, couldn't resist the LRRH comeback)

I blush. Thank you for your kind words! I hope by putting my stuff out there, that people are encouraged to follow their dreams and excercise the use of their God-given talents, too.

BTW: Rush, Yes, ELP, Jethro Tull, Kansas - yeah, I'm into fusion! ;o)

Hello Lady Foo ;o) Pleased to meet you, too!

Local TV = local Emmy, so don't look for it on 11/21's Primetime Emmy show. The Midwestern division Emmys are Oct 4th and the show info is available on the internet at steve and kathy gray dot com. I'm in the new season, which starts airing on 11/14 - the Emmy noms are for last season. I'm still floored and feel blessed.

I play keyboards and drums. I have some samples of my compositions on my website at voice over music dot com...

OriginalSim - day job: call center computer programmer. Hate it. Actor, local tv show, up for 4 Emmys (the show, not me!). Love it. Musician, composer. Not enough time, but love it. Part time writer, learning: love/hate thing there. Photographer. Hobby, love it. Nearing mid-century mark in age. Hate that, squared. Don't draw as much as I used to, either, but did do a couple of nice pen and ink things once.

Artistic soul in a Logician's mind. If I were more athletic I might qualify for a lower eschelon renaissance man.

Hey! Yo! Yippee!

Did you Freudian the word "altercations" and mean "alterations?" I expect we'll see both, but prefer the latter over the former, even though both are inevitable!

Thanks for the Forum! Great Work!

My first offline draft matched more closely to the first chapter's flow. However, the length of the piece made the choppiness quite tiring to read. I like your idea of how to deal with that. As for the grotesqueness - I just stink at writing horror! I wish I could have written it just a touch more 'darker' - little things, like having Ben's 'new' puppy growl at Jimmy instead of the friendlier barking.

As always, my hope is people will run with it so that together, the piece is a cohesive whole made from the minds of all the talented, creative people here on StoryMash.

dog (and honeygloom) -- I love you both dearly and I appreciate your comments and also respect your decisions. However, I must say you don't seem to have enough faith in the intensely creative denizens living here!

I'll gladly withdraw myself from the project, if the following violates an SM rule, but here are some helpful hints, maybe someone will find useful. Maybe I should break down and write my manifesto of mash ;o)

We do not 'know' who is in the well or why. Yes, I imply, but didn't lock it in. Same with the parents - they do not appear in the description of the couch. At most, I imply that they are there. If they are not - are imaginary - then the dog and girl referred to could also be imaginary, rather than being the "items" in the well; suggesting that Maybel is imagining her parents living there (psychologically compensating for the grave robbery) and will bring an imaginary dog and girl 'next time'. With an explainable coincidence re the well dwellers. Or she could bring effigies. Or voodoo dolls. Maybe she has a weird gift to suck the soul out of living and dead lifeforms.... But she is innocent until proven guilty. Speaking of which, why would Ben be 'a little drunk' after hearing his GF has gone missing? I'd be sober as hell and still looking for her!

So, in essence, I haven't really added much. I have filled in some rather shadowy places in a vague manner which I feel can be molded further downline for even bigger twistiness.

Cognitive dissonance is what's supposed to keep us from going insane - by bridging the gap between imagination and reality. When it backfires, though, whoooeeeeee!!!!!

Thanks honeygloom! I think Jimmy's pickup has enough horsepower to drag someone out of a well. ;o) Maybe I've said too much, though.

The plot thickens! Very cool... I'll try to add another as soon as I can!

Well, the beauty of StoryMash is that you can write a chapter 2, too. I certainly won't hold it against you! But then, if you want to add a chapter 3, that would be cool, too. Or do both! I just happened on the idea and decided to write it.... it was fun working with your original ideas and trying to tie it into a totally different knot...

There is much to say (in a negative way) about spoon-feeding the reader. Details are not necessary unless you are writing for TV. Deeper explanations would run counter to the goal of making people think for themselves. Call it experimental -- or, as I prefer -- experiential writing. Eccentricity is in the eye of the beholder and if that's all one gets from reading Q's stuff, then I think maybe a deeper explanation of his works would be fruitless. Drop the veil of eccentricity and it becomes much more clearer (in the center, anyway - the edges are still excitingly blurred).

I guess by the eccentricity standards, E. E. Cummings was a hack, rather than an artist.

"where does the boundary between fiction and reality lie ? Are you willing to take this boundary for granted and speak your mind , regardless of possible consequences ?"

I gotta admit -- I always pause before leaving you a comment. I can only hope I understand what I think I know. I've always had a penchant for blurry lines and so far you've kept me on my toes. It keeps me asking the question "should I call that a tree or an oxyfanargle?"

Excellent job. As usual. Hmpf. I gave it a 10, but only 5 showed up.

Nona schmona. Who cares? With 8 chapters left she can reappear later. I thought the flow between chapters and throughout was great. Maybe to make it more mysterious you could leave out every other word or sentence. While mashing a twist in the "plot" is always a good thing, sometimes discretion is the better part of valour. I personally like blasting a hard core twist in things, myself, but find paople can't often handle that. So much for the "mash" in StoryMash, I guess.

Gave it a well-deserved 5.

I'm so decrepit, I can't even remember the proper names of Asimov stories.... it's "Marooned Off Vesta", not "Moon Over Vesta".... sorry about that.

While this is my opinion, I'm pretty sure there's an entire market segment out there that would agree with me:

Regardless of all those rejection slips you may have, your writing style reminds me not only of Asimov, but Clifford D. Simak and a touch of Phillip K. Dick. I know those are all SciFi authors, but that's only because I misspent my youth reading mostly just that ;o). I could throw in Louis Lamar, as well.

It's the style I'm emphasising. I still feel compelled to urge you to send out stuff. When you hit the right ears, the right market, I can't see how you would get a "no thanks". Your style just has that flowing stream, easy lope, friend telling us a story feel. That has to be marketable, even if it's "only" to people like me - mid-baby boomers who feel a twinge of nostalgia from reading your work.

The problem with this site is that you are being read by other writers. While they are all readers, as well, they often nit-pick. Yes, sure, you can spend the next 50 years continually perfecting the craft - and you should. But you should also be selling as you learn. Compare "Moon Over Vesta" with the Foundation Trilogy. Asimov kind of sucked at first and got better by writing AND selling and moving forward.

Yes, lots of good info here in your comments. And they'll be useful along the way. But don't fall into the trap of stopping a possibly wonderful career because you feel the need for validation. You are valid. Go get it. Please!

There's always insecure people who run through sites like this and vote everyone down. Somehow makes them feel better about themselves. I feel so sorry for them. It's happened to me on music sites and photography sites. My stuff isn't good enough here to get voted down, LOL... ;o)

L. The missing letter is L. But there's an 'a' instead! The middae one. It's a caue, isn't it? Whether it's a hack or not, this is very cooa! Hey! Where did the 'a' go? Very caever! Where the heaa did my a go? You're paotting to steaa aaa the a's in the worad, aren't you, you say aittae goofbaaa!!!!

Shades of Asimov!!! Why in @#$!! are you wasting this here??!!? Write it up. Send it out. Jeeez!!! While I'm waiting to buy the book, I'll give parts 1 and 2 a high FIVE!

Well, then, I guess I'll be the one to open the can of worms...

I see that everyone is using this site as a sort of guideline for their "self-improvement" course. The problem is that 50 people have 50 different opinions about what this site is for.

"StoryMash, creative writing community for authors, amateur writers, readers and anyone interested in collaborative fiction and collaborative creative writing."

I think the owners haven't done us any favors using the word "collaborative". My understanding is that it means we collaborate at the plot level. I.e. "together we build a story".

Some people use "collaborative" to mean a collaborative effort to learn and/or improve their writing skills. So, that ends up being at the meta-plot level.

I'll gloss over the rule-set generated by each opinion and only mention that they are often mutually exclusive rules.

Having said that, it explains why some people "vote low" and "critique poorly". They are obviously using a differing set of criteria than the author intended. What good does that do? They might as well have said "you suck", because they judged someone's "statue" using the rules for a "painting".

I'm not here to "polish" my writing skills. I'm here to have fun writing mashes, not stories. To me, stories are one author pieces. I can do that on other sites. Mashes are collaborative fiction. StoryMash is unique.

If there are college-level creative writing instructors, I'll _maybe_ listen to them. Otherwise I would be listening to all sorts of Opinions about how my writing Should Be from people who only Think they know what they are talking about.

I don't have a need for critiques. I do like to see comments.

So, ideally, we would have a list of check boxes on our profile to identify what types of comments we are soliciting.

Another idea would be to have the 5 star rating system split out into multiple categories, so that each writer/author could glean much more information about how the chapter performed, based on the categories. The categories might even be configurable on the writer's profile.

For instance. Characterization, Plot idea, Mash-ability, Readability and Story Flow could be the available categories (and there would really be much more). So I check Characterization Plot idea and Mash-ability on my profile. When I publish, people can only rate my chosen three categories. Reviewers could then rate on as few or as many of the categories as they want.

I guess I need to stop now... ;o)

LOL. You've obviously never seen Jurassic Park or haven't read the story. Or both.

Thanks writer, Acee! We would have to mash full-time and into overtime to catch up on all the great starting chapters here on StoryMash. I wish I had more time, but am involved in a few projects which severely limit my writing (here, anyway). I am really hoping to be able to put out a follow-on chapter to whomever wins the first round. Hopefully, I'll have the time... sigh.

Greetings, judges, and thank you for taking the time to help out the mashers!

Bayan-Ölgii is the western-most province of Mongolia, sharing borders with both Russia and China. The name apparently means "rich cradle".

I assume that means something closer to "fertile crescent" rather than referring to some sort of "wealthy baby bed".

The relationship of the title to the story is (at least until someone mashes a better reason) because the dinosaurs are found only in that region, and I thought that could indicate that something in that province is uniquely available; being a factor to why the dinos seem to be only there.

Thanks everyone - your comments are appreciated. Even if I don't agree ;o)

Thanks, writer! I tried Black Suit instead of Red Suit, but it just seemed better as Red - too confusing otherwise

Excellent job!!! So, if you win, you'll have to drop the "wannabe" part of your handle. I think you should anyway, at this point. 5!

Rocks! "They are just mediocre minds who do not understand the gravity of the situation." The sentence keeps flipping back and forth in my mind as indicative declarative and globally applicable proverbial.

Thanks, JadeRose! I'm blushing ;o)

There are tons of talented writers here, so I'm sure any follow up chapters will rock!

Well, I'm all for people rating low based on the story not being their cuppa tea. Trust me, I have several stories here in that realm ;o) that deserved even lower marks. But I feel I did my job here and that a 2 was unwarranted since it was based on anti-mash principles.

I will send an email as soon as I get back!

DUH. This is story mash, where we LEAVE holes for others to creatively fill in.

1: NOWHERE does it state that they avoided extinction. No one could say how they survived: therefore perhaps they didn't survive. They could have been genetically engineered from DNA stolen from MOR 1125, the (real) T. Rex mentioned in the story. They could have fallen from space. They could have been hatched from eggs found by a Russian or Chinese scientist. Am I supposed to TELL you how to write chapter 2? No. Creative mash writers here will decide what happened and what happens next. Don't you "get" what mashing is?

2: Wow. Maybe their sudden apearance means the opposite of your point #1. Maybe they WERE extinct. This isn't a friggen historical documentary. It is INTERACTIVE FICTION. Creative mash writers here will decide what really happened.

3: Yes. And your point is? Let me clue you in. Maybe some creative mash author will, in chapter 5, pick up the unnamed billionaire, give him and his minions names and have him enter the story. Gosh, wouldn't THAT be cool and mash-like?

4: NOWHERE does it state that there are only these few remaining. As a matter of fact, 12 sightings over 46 years would clue most people in that there may be hundreds more of them yet unfound. Or not. Creative mash writers here will decide what really happens.

I have an idea. Learn what story mashing IS. Maybe then you wouldn't rate it so low because you are too lazy to come up with ideas to add. If you put your negative energy to rest and concentrate on positive work, by golly, I bet you might even be able to write something other than bashing the mash community for doing exactly what this site intended.

Oh, sure! Throw ME under the bus, willya? Ok, then! I'm writing a first chapter for the new contest and TheBlackHand is the main character! Maybe I'll kill him off, maybe I won't!!! And I'll figure a way to take Ms. Honey Gloom and Mr. Boobie Walker to the heights of despair. And then... and then... er. someone mash this post, quick! I'm outta ideas!!!!

Seriously, though, I have no problem with Mr. Walker's insertion! It just makes it that much more exciting to work on this project.... fer me, anyways!!!! Just let me know when I'm up & I'll add my nonsense. Er. 2 cents, I mean.

Nice mash! Well written to my eyes, anyway. At first it seemed wrong that this is the next day, but re-reading the other two, it does work. I had intended Cowan's Ford to be the same day as chapter one, but I see that I never really said that it was. Subtle, but cool!

I personally didn't see how the pot reference continued the story, except to explain the short-term memory loss: perhaps more of a personal joke to the character? Anyway, it didn't detract, so I write that off as my (+/-) tastes ;o).

Lastly, Harold's accent took me off guard. Again, good, yet subtle. I guess by that I mean I had unstated preconceived ideas and so I noticed them, but to the "outside my head" readers, it adds rich details.

Great job and thanks for choosing my chapter for your first mash here!!!

So if we mash a chapter at any time and it (the previous chapter) ends up winning, our chapter is eligible to win in the next round?

Do the research. Astrocytoma can be asymptomatic (no symptoms) until that point at which most people have 90 days left to live. Early detection may mean a year. Surgery and therapy may extend their life for 6 more months.

Obviously 3 months from normal to dead is pretty sad and NOT all that gradual! Our poor character has one-third of that - 30 days left. He would probably have had 2 or more months of weird crap happening to him that he attributed to age, food, stress or tiredness. Possibly the flu. Inner ear infection - any denial works. By the time of his diagnosis, he likely would have been WORSE than most of you are portraying. I vote for quetzlcoatl being on the money.

NEXT!!!!?

It's my B.O., isn't it?!?!!!

Was it something I said, Dog?!??!!

I agree with ZW. If this were a short story in a magazine or an anthology, it might be trash. One person's art is another person's trash.

This is, however, on storymash. It is an entirely different ball game. The goal here is interactivity and this qualifies very well as a mash beginning. As a matter of fact, a story started with 50,000 details and one which takes an hour to read is actually a very poor mash beginning. This one is fine. And if you want more, either add to the story or wait until it is mashed a bit more.

And my local paper does do one sentance articles. They call it "breaking news". Mashers would also do well to consider beginnings as "breaking stories" with details to follow, added by a host of other authors.

I'll give it a go! If you'd like to coordinate this via the smac_mash yahoo group please feel free to do so!

The key is in the paragraph above it: "She had dissolved into the surrounding area and suddenly felt a twinge of peacefulness."

I kind of felt that the peaceful feeling would take her to a different level. Maybe it didn't work like I'd hoped... perhaps I should have made it more gradual. Thanks for the honest comment, though. I appreciate it!

Excellent! Beautiful! A fiver! Thanks for mashing!

Man I wish we had notification for comments - thanks, all, for your too-kind words of encouragement. I hope it was enjoyable!

Appealing! The SM team as judges or, if they could get a "panel" of industry people.

Perhaps limit one chapter per week for authors so I don't write fifteen chapter 2's, for instance, but could write 10 chapters in all.

I like the idee!

BTW, I'm kind of proud of my follow-up to your "TEST" story.... bwaaa haa haa haaaaaaa!

Awwww... Thanks! I must have read "Flatline" about five times before I settled on where to go -- talk about a masterful opening mash!!! I could probably write the other four second chapters, but the bank is pretty full.

Thanks for the kind words, but, as usual, thanks even more for an excellent starting point!

Excellent job!

Wonderfully inspiring: the writing smacks of Clifford Simak. I feel a bit presumptuous attempting a second chapter.

Wow! Great follow-up and I didn't see it coming! Thanks for a great mash!

Yeah, saw that: expanded on it with my egoist opinion ;o)

I took the test. Did I past? I just think you read Nash's bad format rule and started to test it out. I dint research nothing, though. I started to, though. Just, well, couldn't do it, I guess.

I just wanted to say I started to disagree with just about everything you wrote.
Well, upon reflecting on it, I realised I'd need to research some stuff.

But seriously. Good rules, but some must be broken for characterization purposes, IMHO. I would
suggest using the broken ones sparingly, though.

Mind if I post this on the SMAC_MASH group?

Pretty darn good for a first effort! Very mash-able, too. The font size is a little scary, though.... ;o)

In my case 10% of nothing is still nothing. ;o)

I kinda sorta get what you're saying. It seems that the 'highly educated' linguists among us tend to get narrower of hemispherical capacity in direct proportion to the length of the words they commonly use. I once knew a person that would find joy in peering down his nose at people when explaining his $10 words. It was like "Peasant, let me convey the definition in monosyllabic terms"

Ah, well. As an actor, words are important character clues. Hopefully, as a writer, I judiciously choose among shades of meaning to convey as accurately as possible, that which I mean.

I.e. I hopes I uses them thar words in the bestest way possible.

Great style - great read! I like it!

Thanks! And you're right about the "she" thing. Sigh. I have no good excuse for that: I got in a hurry to publish, rather than taking another read of it...

My renegade October Chill was at 4,9. I got an anonymous vote and it dropped to 4.6 at the same time everyone fell. I suspect a jealous spree ran through and drop-kicked everyone on the October Chill. Obviously, SM could trace this with IP logs.

Again, if anyone wants a temp forum, I set up a yahoo group for it named SMAC_MASH. EVERYONE is invited!!!!

Personally, I find it difficult to read a story that is splattered all over the place as it is ;o) I guess I have a one tree mind - er track - er something. So I wouldn't like to have the "any member edit" feature and have to not only decide which next chapter to read, but also have to decide which version of the current chapter to read.

I would like to go back and make typo corrections.

Would love to see a forum. Communication is harder without it. I mashed October Chill because I found it in the contest area and seemed like everyone liked it enough to mash. I didn't read all the comments to see that it was an experiment and that I had transgressed until after it was already published. I would have waited to put mine up, if I'd had the time to search through 20 or so different posted comments and find out about the setup. So YES to a forum! Until then, SMAC_MASH is open to anyone here who wants a temp fix to that problem!

Aww, thanks!

Since it is frustrating (to me) to have to use the
comments and stories for communication, I started a
Yahoo group a while back for things like this. It's free
and everyone is welcome to join. If you don't
want to join, no problem:
all messages are public and readable by non-members.
You are also welcome to send
anything you'd like posted for all to see to
kccast at yahoo dot com and I will post if for you.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMAC_MASH/

Jeez, now I feel like a jerk. I unintentionally broke into this mini-contest without knowing that Psycho and Dog had set up planned authors and such. I apologize for having intruded!

Okay maybe here? Did I screw up by writing a chapter on the October Chill? I apologize to one and all for not seeing this sooner..... Arghh!

Uh, er, uh, oh.... Dog? Did I break into a planned scheme of something? I apologize to all if I hosed up something with the October Chill story - I'm just now seeing references to a "Graph" in several comment sections.... sh!t I hope I didn't mess things up!!!!! Really sorry if I did.... :o(

Thanks ShadowMan and theblackhand! Wow, I'm flattered by all the positive comments from some of the best authors here on SM. I don't feel quite worthy, but glad it's a likeable piece!

Thanks w! I hope I don't have to wait for the contest to be over before I see some follow-on chapters - here and on the other chapters. I think this is the most mashed story so far and I'd love to see all the threads take shape. I know all the peeps here can take off with this...

Thanks folks! It was a blast writing this one because the more I dug around on the internet the more stuff kept popping out at me and fitting into place like a sweeping jigsaw puzzle. It almost wrote itself, but I did do a little bit on my own ;o)

Oh. And SMAC_MASH is cool. Join in!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMAC_MASH/

Er, well Lake Norman, then.

It's all real, man.

No, really.

Okay the whole Angus MacSwain thing is my imagination, including the lyrics I made up. There was a Battle of Cowan's Ford in 1781 and Cornwallis did surrender later that year. The area just kind of fell into place when I did a search for things south of Denver. There really is a Denver, NC and a Cornelius across from Lake George. Never been there but the internets are a wonderful place to see such stuff!!!

THANKS!!! Thanks to both of you for such kind comments!

SMAC_MASH is evil

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMAC_MASH/

SMAC_MASH is evil

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMAC_MASH/

SMAC_MASH is evil

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMAC_MASH/

SMAC_MASH is evil

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMAC_MASH/

Excellent follow-on! Of course, your original chapters were great, too! (and thanks for the nice words about my chapter)

If I had a dollar for every time I published instead of editing, I'd be a rich man!!! Don't worry about it. I've taken to using OpenOffice Writer to write my stuff and then paste into the editor here. And I STILL mess up, LOL.

You could always just make a corrected version to
the side of this one, if it really bugs you - I've seen others do that.

Anyway, I loved it regardless of the typos. 5!

Well, whatever, I thought it exemplary to jump to Cat Stevens's "Moon Shadow". I used to love that song, but now it scares me!!! Great job!!!

take it to the trash

The last three (of my) chapters of the 36 chapter epic madejesus and I put together called "The Ending Begins". Or maybe the last two and the first "U Turn Of The Soul" chapter.
==========
btw:
You are all welcome to join the Yahoo group smac_mash so that you have a free forum, you know: for things like this. Or hanging out. Or complaining about things or shooting out ideas about how Story Mash should / could /would work

my 2 cents:

The Ending Begins is one of the completed works here at 36 chapters story depth. madejesus and I thought it would never end a few times; were gratified somewhat when it was over and now sort of miss it.... but we only agreed to alternate; near the end I proposed she finish the tale (which she did in spades!!!) since I had started it. So it was sort of structured a tiny bit. Other longish tales had more contributors but it was random fun: I don't know how assigning chapters would work (I doubt it would work for me) - but it is a cool idea and worth a shot. I'd like to see what this great bunch o people would come up with, for sure!

Love StoryMash. But like all the other sites where I put up creative content (photos, music, cartoons), I always feel like I'm writing for writers or posting pics for photographers or writing music for musicians. I never get a clear sense of "audience".

So, I'd like to see, in the future, the ability to sign up as a writer, reader or both and have that visible as something like 10 votes: (4 readers, 5 writers, 1 reader/writer).

Maybe have reader-only perks, like if one votes and leaves a comment (and this would need to be flaggable for abuse) then for every 10 chapters you get a nickle or something....
And I pine for alerts. Profile alerts, preferably, especially for comments: it drives me crazy looking for any new ones ;o)

Excellent job on the site, btw: keep up the great work!

You're welcome! And thank you for taking the journey! I enjoyed it immensely!
I hope you felt like there were some options near the end - I tried really hard not to lock anything in. Upon re-reading, I see that I actually had Sarah tell Howard that Jilly missed him. I wish now I had made that more vague to give other possibilites.... then again, this is story mash, so alternate endings are entirely possible.... I have toyed with the idea of hanging an alternate chapter on there, but I'll wait a bit. I want to savor this, heh heh
Not that I'm the world's best writer, but I have to say that I've seen your craft growing as this story came to light: Comparing earlier chapters with later ones it looks like you've been working on a lot of the elements of writing - and I'm not saying it was bad at first, but it's even better now. There's a certain irony when I say let this be the "beginning's end". Keep writing. I think you have a lot to offer the world at large. Good characterization, easy flow to read - again, I'm no expert, but subjectively, your writing draws me in and keeps me reading.

madejesus: Okay... NO ONE makes me cry. But this did. Happy tears, of course. What a beautifully crafted ending. You not only hit a home run, you smacked it out of the park! Wow. I think you're ready to write things for money... if you aren't already... great job. a 5++++

Wow! Thanks for the honest assessment! I admit, I was bummed as I read some of it, but then, after digesting it, realized that I'd rather have honesty than feigned kindness, and, although I've already used too many commas in this sentence, came to the conclusion that I agree with the assessments. Chapter 2 is worse, though.

But then again, this thing has hovered around a 4.5 to 4.9 for so long that I am confused as to why, when I feel I have better things in the low 4's and high 3's.

But then again, your discernment is probably with regards to a more 'salable' level...

Oh, anyway, I feel totally unworthy of the (to me) greatest compliment: that my style somehow is 'tinged' with Douglas Adamsesquities. ;o)

Well, it's still an open book - that's why I left him so far from 'home'. Anything could happen: I trust your judgement and look forward to the perfect ending I know you'll come up with!

Thanks so much, again, for traveling with me on this journey. It has been a true pleasure!

Sorry it took longer than I thought it would..... but I hope it's worth it.

Great idea! If I can get more people onto the Yahoo group, this type of critique is what I envisaged it being used for!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMAC_MASH

AT work, foul keyboard!

Yeah! What Xylith said. Oh, and please join smac_mash the yahoo group. All of you. Yes, you!

Oh, yeah. NEVER kiss -er - lick ME on the chops. 'k? Nice doggy. Great slant. Only generated about 1 billion ideas in my head. Too bad I'm a wurk.

Join SMAC_MASH and maybe we can share info and other things! I started the group for reasons like this - why have to write a story just to ask a question....

Interesting! I don't even know if this is based on existing 'graf' culture, or whether you're making it up. It feels real, whatever it is - well done! a 5....

Obviously well written by an educated person who has done their research. Kind of hard to do a follow-on storymash, though. Still, I gave it a five because it was interesting, if a tad bit dry. Not dry enough for a 4 though.

Just a place to meet to enhance the mash author's experience!

did dev die??????

Awesome again! I got a little teary eyed there: for more than Jilly's Mom's passing. Great writing!

I grew up in the Orange County area: I lived near Goshen and went to college in Middletown. You made _me_ feel like I was home again! Are you from there, too? That would be a wild coincidence.
I hope to get 35 out this week.

BTW: I started a Yahoo Group for mash authors:
Anyone who is interested can join, so please consider it. It's at:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMAC_MASH

BTW: I took your request for a message board pretty seriously.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SMAC_MASH

Story Mashing Author's Collective wants YOU!

**** way! Thanks! Yes, my pics. Well, since you have to work - uh - have a good day/night/wherever you are in the world. I may be talented: I'm just trying to enjoy things I do and I think everyone should pursue their passion as best they can. I don't know if writing is your passion, but I do know you are a talented writer with a _very_ creative mind!
And I don't really have that much time on my hands, but I need to quit playing the ps/2 so much, so I write.... The world WOULD be in danger if I did have more time bwaaa haaaa haa ha. Heh. hmmm. Contumely. Hadda get a big word in there.

And to see the website, go to www.voiceovermusic.com
!!!!!

I agree with everything except that FEN part. Whay are you being so obstreperous?

signal strength fading.... can't ssss get zzzzzessage through zzazzaa are bzzt are callffffttt bulletinssss zzzzzppp boards kzzz maybfte ft ft ?

Plus, I'm pissed I had to look up "Vicissitude" in the dictionary. Dman it.

"Is that a puppy floating in the corner of his house pissing on his Japanese Peace Lilly? "

In context, is the funniest freaking line I've ever read. Today, anyway.

I agree with the age thing. And the interesting story thing. Great to mash or add more before the publish and it would still be a great set up. Rock on!

;o)

90% of the crap I put up here is off the cuff, spur of the moment, improvised, I just start typing and see where it goes. Are you insinuating that I, in my capacity as minister plenipotentiary and factotum of the world are somehow providing a less that quality.... er... where was I?. Uh....