Discussion of "A Sunset's Curse" by OceanStone

Good job, but you should work on your grammar a bit more and spell check it a bit. It was a very interesting story though.

A good attempt. Some problems with boring detail which can lose the readers interest. Also the current structure might be better suited to two chapters.

You have tremendous potential. When you find your niche and fine tune your style you will be a better writer.
Learn how to keep your readers attention by making less more, while building tension by keeping things mysterious...but always propelling your story ahead and keeping readers interest.