Discussion of "Trying Not To Be Invisible" by Norcia
Cornelius 1 year, 6 months ago
This is powerful. The sense of futility and despair are well conveyed. The last 11 lines are like the final and steepest part of a slide. Those last few lines- two and three words per line- is like a final few panting breaths. I do have a suggestion. Try removing the word "him" from the very end. See what I mean? It leaves more of an echo. Do you agree? Nice work.
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Norcia 1 year, 6 months ago
Thank you very much. Good point about taking out the word "him." I never even considered the panting thing. Interesting observation!
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