Discussion of "Trying Not To Be Invisible" by Norcia

This is powerful. The sense of futility and despair are well conveyed. The last 11 lines are like the final and steepest part of a slide. Those last few lines- two and three words per line- is like a final few panting breaths. I do have a suggestion. Try removing the word "him" from the very end. See what I mean? It leaves more of an echo. Do you agree? Nice work.

Thank you very much. Good point about taking out the word "him." I never even considered the panting thing. Interesting observation!