Discussion of "Cry" by Nona

I wrote this as an english assignment. It didn't take to long but I spent a lot of time editing it and trying to perfect it. It still has a long way to go and I need some help with making it better. I need as much critism as possible from anyone. I don't care if it's good or bad, just give me some ideas and so on.

I wrote this as an english assignment. It didn't take to long but I spent a lot of time editing it and trying to perfect it. It still has a long way to go and I need some help with making it better. I need as much critism as possible from anyone. I don't care if it's good or bad, just give me some ideas and so on.

Coongratulations on writing your first chapter. It takes courage to do that. Now what I feel you must decide is what POV to write this in. There happens to be a mix and it doesn't read too well simply because you've mixed it all up. If st person then go for dramatic narrative but beware you done all kinds of POv's.
Good luck, we all need it.

Although I agree that your story contains differing POVs, I don't feel that it hinders the story. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and especially appreciated that the main character became a young girl, as it was quite a sudden surprise. The intro has me intrigued to find out where this goes...so far it seems open for anything and any genre.