Discussion of "Brother's Keeper: Jamal" by Nigel-Valentine

Um. So, I see this has been read 14 times?
I'm glad. But uh, seriously guys, feel free to comment on this. You think it's a good chapter and that I'm continuing it pretty well? There somethin ya don't like about it? Anything? Lol.

liked it! Thanks for continuing my first chapter!ü

Glad you like the continuations.

I haven't gotten around to doing anything about a 4th chapter though. Lol. I haven't entirely decided "what" it is that Jamal is turning into and what the brother, Luscious, already is.

I've had some thoughts.
First, obviously kinda, was vampire. But no, I don't want it to be a vampire. Maybe somewhat similar, but not a vampire.

Good continuation so far. First paragraph was a bit weak for an opening - a matter of show vs tell when it comes to losing his faith. Liked him swearing though. :)

As far as how to continue this, I see no reason why you have to adhere to traditional "things people turn into in stories of this sort." Have some fun with it. Your imagination is the limit.

Well done.

*Waffling hand, palm down* Umm. I think there are a lot of things you could do with this. More detail / background into the Pope losing his faith. More detail / background into his brother; why he was "locked away" for example. Where? Must be in the Vatican for the Pope to get there so quickly. What is the time set for this? Pope John Paul XV indicates far into the future but the scenes seem to be far in the past.

Guess I'm just not "into" this story..yet. I'm willing to give it a couple more chapters, though...;o)

Ooops, sorry! I guess I "read into" the story a bit and confused Pope Peter with Pope John Paul...geesh! lol

Lol.
Well, the room is just that. It's just a room inside the church that only the Pope can open. Just a secret room no one knows about. Nothing too special or cryptic. Lol.
And uh, yeah, I don't really know when it's supposed to take place. I'm just writing it as I go. But, since there's medicine and most likely doctors, I would just say the present probably. But, maybe in a somewhat secluded area. Haven't decided since there's been nothing about the outside of the place yet.
Oh, and "what the brother is" for now is a mystery. Even to me. XD
And uh, Pope John Paul? (I'm feeling really dumb right now and am certain I'll feel dumber when you tell who he is. Lol)

Yeah, I see what you're talking about...the story is writing itself...;o). Those are the best but there has to be some ryhymn to the reason.

As to the Pope's and without going into a long discussion. There has only been one Pope Peter - the first Pope, from AD 32-67. Any subsequent Pope's named Peter would be Pope Peter II, III, etc. I think, though, that there is some kind of prohibition to a second Pope Peter (not sure, I'm not Catholic). There have been two Pope John Paul's. JP I, in 1978 and JP II, 1978-2005.

So, not only did the timeframe for this piece become "jumbled" because of the Pope name; the verisimilitude for the story was lost - because of the Pope name.

Fiction, is of course, fiction; but, every writer should do a degree of research to insure that the fiction "seems" real, in particular when using historical names, places, etc.

Certainly not meant as a personal attack...just trying to help you become a better writer...;o)

Ah. Lol. Well, thanks for the history lesson (and no, that's not sarcasm. ^_^ )

And I didn't take it as an attack. Hey, what did I know? All I knew was that it was a pope, so...religious. After all, I didn't write the first chapter and that person didn't even know how to go on with the story. I just thought off the top of my head. Didn't think the person was basing any of it off of real (or semi-real) people. XD (Which is why I saw no point of doing research cuz..well, I thought it was pure fiction. Lol. Oh well. What's done is done eh? Now I'll just roll with it, I suppose. If I ever continue the story. XD )