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Discussion of "The Other - Chapter 2" by NatalieRose


2 farlight 2 years, 8 months ago Reply

Hi, me again. This chapter has some good points, but I did not understand the differences between where she was and where she had been. I could not visualize this new realm. Also, the dialogue where her brother is talking was very confusing. Always make sure it makes sense to someone who does not know what is going on. Be careful about using the same word twice in one sentence or the same phrase twice in one paragraph. Try to think of other ways to say the same thing and more interesting ways to say ordinary things. I do want to tell you that your first and last paragraphs were good and the last one was the perfect way to end it. It reconnects the reader with the main storyline, the search for the brother and makes you want to read further. I hope you enjoyed reading my story "Nobility", the first chapter is called "Fury Is A Blindfold That Covers Love's Eyes". Let me know what your think.


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1 NatalieRose 2 years, 8 months ago Reply

I've just reread the bit where Edgar is speaking, and I agree with you; I didn't set it up very well.


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1 NatalieRose 2 years, 8 months ago Reply

Thank you so very much for reading and for commenting! I've tried to open your story, now and in the past. However, only the title ever shows.


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1 farlight 2 years, 8 months ago Reply

Hi. I had trouble getting stories to open when I first joined until I learned that it works better if you use firefox. Maybe you could try that. Thanks for trying.


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