Boogz 7 years ago
You never mentioned that the gun was actually put to the narrators face. But at the end that is brought up. A lot of the short sentences should have been comprised into one sentence, and the way the structure of paragraphs and sentences are kind of slow the story down. I had to keep reading though, just constructive criticism! Keep up!
hidden comment from Boogz with score of 2
dogdeity11 6 years, 10 months ago
I actually thought the short sentences were effective. told from the choppy POV of a young confused girl. Another nice work.
hidden comment from dogdeity11 with score of 1