Boogz 9 years, 1 month ago
You never mentioned that the gun was actually put to the narrators face. But at the end that is brought up. A lot of the short sentences should have been comprised into one sentence, and the way the structure of paragraphs and sentences are kind of slow the story down. I had to keep reading though, just constructive criticism! Keep up!
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dogdeity11 8 years, 11 months ago
I actually thought the short sentences were effective. told from the choppy POV of a young confused girl. Another nice work.
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