Discussion of "Vampire Bob - Chapter 1" by Lily_Cade

Vampires. Bars. Yeah, I've never seen that before.

I like it. You've painted the scene clearly. The introduction of the woman with dark locks is quite onfusing. I only understood reading the 2nd time but overall I like it very much.

I know this is on the 3rd person pov, but why does the narrator keep referring to Bob as Bob?

Because this name is typically a guys name, it gets confusing to read some of the parts of your text. Especially when she is at the bar door and you say "Bob smelled her..." At first, I thought...Bob smelled herself? What? Is Bob the guy's name, too? I got it with further reading, but we should not have to clammer for info.

I am confused by something else, as well....you say Bob drank to get the taste o the trucker out of her mouth. K, that's fine....until you then tell us that she hadn't fed on a human since she began running from Ro...which was over a month ago....and had fed on animals, instead. Didn't make sense to me.

Also, when you said she emptioed her pockets on the table, you didn't describe the exact items, instead opting to tell us the sum of all items owned...for a minute, I thought she was putting panities, bras and dirty green shirts on the table.

I think I gave it a 2.0 or 1.5

Thanks for your comments (and telling me how you voted).

The one thing I can clear up easily for you is the "taste of the trucker" issue - the rest of that line is "she'd sucked off to get a ride". She's not referring to blood (which is a taste she likes) but to oral sex.

I agree with the confusion with the continued use of the name. The part with the woman entering was a little confusing too. Besides, that I enjoyed the story. Although to Pers: the taste of going down on him - it was in the story.

I love this chapter so far!I can't wait to read the next. As Persephonie said about the pocket things though, it did kinda read on as a she had panties and a bra in her pocket. BUT it's common sense anyways.Love Vampire Bob so far!!!
I rated 5555555!!!!

I like this story - great characterization of Bob. I don't understand how anyone is confused about her name - it's obvious from the beginning that her name is Bob. I wasn't confused at all, and I want to know what happens next.

Please ANYONE read my story ~Blood~

Great story, Lily, very well written. No confusion with the name, though the sundry piercing/barbell thing needs to be made clearer, I was confused as hell at first. Just at first. Bob's a deliciously twisted character, and I can't wait to see what she does next. Nice job!