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Discussion of "Chapter 2 - Deception Point" by LadyAdelia

1 LadyAdelia 6 years, 11 months ago Reply

I apologize for all the errors in this chapter. I kept getting interupted while writing this. I reread it a couple of times but still managed to miss some very glaring errors. Oh well.

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1 writerwannabe 6 years, 11 months ago Reply

Errors didn't bother me, but this chapter lacked the "power" of the first. It's not bad in and of itself, but very short and compared to chapter one...not the same quality. Sorry.

It looks like your testing variations (I see you have another chapter 2 posted)...;o)

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1 LadyAdelia 6 years, 11 months ago Reply

I agree. I was not happy with it. I really appreciate all your comments. Thank you for your awesome input! :)

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1 morticiarose 6 years, 11 months ago Reply

I'm interested in seeing where you're going with this story. Forced seduction is a tricky thing to tackle. One suggestion might be to give a little more description in regards to the general surroundings. It might add to the story.
-Where was the protagonist playing on the internet? Library? Home? Friends house?
-What did the offender look like? Were there any striking features or other odd behaviors?
-Despite a rocky childhood/background, the main character still trusts to meet the offender. What did he say or do to allay her fears that he could, in fact, be trusted?
-What were the surroundings like during the assault?
(I'm just tinkering with ideas. Hope they help:-)

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