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Discussion of "The Blue door" by LadyAdelia

2 Eternal_Flame 8 years, 3 months ago Reply

Yeah! I am so glad that someone finally wrote a chapter for the Blue Door! To me, the most exciting part about Story Mash is being able to create these 'choose your own adventure' type stories using the creativity of a bunch of people.
Lady Adelia...I LOVE your path for the Blue Door. I like the futuristic aspect.
I really hope you'll write more.

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1 LadyAdelia 8 years, 3 months ago Reply

Thank you! I appreciate the compliment. I loved the idea of the doors and blue is my favorite color so I had dump the math homework I was doing and get right to work. I hate math! %{ Thank you for the diversion! =)

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1 shadinah 8 years, 3 months ago Reply

Very nicely done - had the same feel as the first chapter, so flowed well. I liked the idea that he is trapped at the whim of this person, and it leaves me with lots of questions that will hopefully be answered in future chapters. I had a hard time with the tone change from the first part of the story to the next. Shylee especially seemed like such a commanding presence in the first portion, then did an about face and seemed like a silly school girl in the last bit. But hopefully that will clear up ni chapters to come! Good work - 4 stars.

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1 wendyboop 8 years, 2 months ago Reply

It kind of reminds me of that episode of Futurama where all the cast for Star Trek are kept hostage by an alien teenager so he has someone to entertain him....lol, I love Futurama.

My only advise would be a little more dialog - you main character would have a lot more questions I think.

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