I'd always wondered what death would be like. What would it feel like to leave your body behind and go floating ...where? Where do we go after the last breath escapes our lips? Now, I would certainly find out. I knew I was going to die and as odd as it seems I didn't think about all the people I was leaving behind or what would happen to my kids. All I could think about is what experience lay directly before me.

The crash happened in an instant. I was driving on I-25 south bound and was half way between Denver and Colorado Springs. I was thinking of the day of shopping and girl talk I would be sharing with my sister. The radio was playing Sheryl Crow's 'Soak Up The Sun'; my favorite song. I was singing along oblivious to the crazed driver behind me. I know all the words and as I got to the part that goes, "I'm gonna tell everyone to lighten up" my whole world went spinning. The guy had spun past me...almost...he clipped me just enough to send me into a patch of black ice and send me on my not so safe highway tea cup ride. The ride ended with my little Honda Civic pinned under an eighteen wheeler and my windshield laying like crumpled paper over my airbag covered head. I could feel the blood pouring down my face. I was actually annoyed that it was covering my eyes so that I couldn't see. What was there to see? My face was blinded by the airbag and my arms were pinned down and useless. Still I was annoyed at the blood pouring over my eyes.

I feel no pain. I must be in shock. I can't hear anything. It's so quiet and almost peaceful. This is how I know that death must be knocking at my door. It's so cliché but it's exactly how I feel. I'm so sleepy. My eyes are heavy and I've closed them to keep the blood out. I’m afraid that if I fall sleep I might miss the separation from my body as I die. What a weird thought! No matter, I can't fight the sleep anyway. I let myself go.

When I wake up, everything is wrong. The car is gone. The eighteen wheeler is gone. Damn it; I’m gone! I did miss the separation! I’m lying in the middle of the highway. It’s dark now and the traffic moves through me. I sit up just as a VW bug drives over me or through me. My first thought is, ‘hug bug’, and a huge wave of longing drenches me. Where are my kids? Where is my husband, my sister, my mom? I want my Mom! This is horrifying! I run out of traffic and onto the shoulder. Then I crumble onto the ground and allow the sobs to over take my now spirit form. What do I do now? Where do I go? There is no bright light to lead me to Jesus. I want to say goodbye to my kids.

I look for a sign and then just start walking back north to Denver. I have to try and say goodbye.