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Discussion of "Atrum's Story - Chapter One - Of Twisted Heart" by Kiyoshi

1 writerwannabe 7 years, 10 months ago Reply

First, let me apologize for not getting around to reading any of your work until now. It must be frustrating to post and get almost zero comments. I would suggest that you read and comment, thereby attracting notice but; I see you've done that. Well, it worked with me....;o).
I like how you started this story. I like your main character. I think you could have put a little more detail into the chapter but, since I'm a skeletal kind of writer, too...I won't say too much about detail...lol. It may take me a while, but I'll get around to reading more of your postings. Good job, here, and I'm interested in reading more.

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1 JadeRose 7 years, 10 months ago Reply

I like it, a very interesting and great start!

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1 honeygloom 7 years, 10 months ago Reply

It's not a bad start, but it's a little confusing. First, your protagonists seems a lot like Batman: a dark, tortured figure in a black car. And why was he with those thugs if only to kill them? Maybe more will be explained later...

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