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Decisions that kill  by Kesha24

 

I have lost hope in love, the one emotion that I once held so dear. Because of my unrealistic expectations and neglecting to think before falling, I fell for the wrong person. After the dramatic outcome of my decision, that
cost me my heart and my sanity in the end, I am past the point of caring
anymore. I no longer feel I can trust men; I have a right to feel this way
because of their disregard of my virtue as a woman, so in return I choose to
disregard their feelings. When I speak of losing hope in love, I can go all the way back to my first disappointment concerning my love life. Love used to be beautiful but that image has changed in my mind.
Once upon a time love was this dreamy word that writers wrote of in books, detailing how wonderful it was, they painted
pictures with their words, and their music about being in love. Though this
dream is far from real, falling in love is a horrible mistake that I should
have never made; I can still remember listening to a song that really summed up just the way I feel about love. I enjoy listening to operas and musicals because I have chosen music as my major, so I was listening to Dats Love from Carmen Jones. I thank love for causing me so much pain, and for still being there when I decide to fall once more. After all the pain I’ve been through, I can even thank the man I thought I loved, for helping me to see that there are other fish in the sea.



My unrealistic expectations about love are due to the fact that I saw love
much like a romantic novel. I viewed men much like children view fairytales,
but I was in for a surprise. I painted this picture in my head of the
perfect man; tall dark and handsome with plenty of charm and the perfect
smile, though having a limited number of imperfections. Completely unlike
the sad excuse for men I have met in my twenty two years on this earth.
Since then I have had my heart torn apart by men who I believed truly cared for me. As soon as they come into my life, they are gone again, and I get to the point where I don’t care anymore. I continue to concentrate on my career and I get more creative with my music and continue to live the best I can. These feelings of depression and loneliness drive my creativeness to new heights as a musician. So whoever is to blame love or myself, I thank
them for the added creativity. When I decided to put my trust in men, I was truly mistaken. That I would trust so much in someone who was human and bound to fail I was a fool.
Instead of putting the Blame on the man I thought cared about me, I choose
to blame love for my current situation pretending to excuse myself from the
role I played. Although the truth is that I brought it all upon myself, no
matter who I try to blame, I’m the one staying up crying. When a man has
broken a woman’s heart, it is foolish to believe that he is sitting at home
crying; the truth is he could care less. He is just out hurting another
woman because the cycle continues on, and it will never end until someone
hurts him. Unless he is a pig, then in that case he won’t care anyways. The
truth is that all men are pigs, I am joking of course. Though I’m sure
plenty women feel that way, I am a prime example, and I get tired of being
the last choice on men’s list of priority. Although I am not one to stay
hurt for long, it still hurts, but I learn to pick up the pieces again.

After going through the cycle, of loves grip on my life. I have learned to
guard my heart with care. Rather than continue on with my unrealilistic
expectations, I choose to think rationally about men; while still arriving
at the conclusion that trusting men is going to take time. I am never the
less at peace and ready to move forward or as one song writer wrote “taken a chance on love” and when I finally decide to take that chance, I will use my past mistakes as a goal, and I will try not to make the same mistake twice.
It is amazing how one sour relationship can put a damper on all of your other relationships, but that is what happened with me. Never again will I sit back and let my heart be torn apart by, but I will emerge from the depths of my torn heart and rise up as a new person. “My name is Kimberly, and I am a new person today, I have been stepped on and and mistreated by me, but this is the last time you will see me in this awful state. As one respected man once said, “yes we can” well I am saying yes I can, with the help of God.
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  'Decisions that kill' statistics: (click to read)
Date created: Nov. 15, 2008
Date published: Nov. 15, 2008
Comments: 2
Tags: fear, love, mistakes
Word Count: 1050
Times Read: 283
Story Length: 2
Children Rank: 0.0/5.0 (0 votes)