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Discussion of "The Trader Chronicle, 4" by Jackoalltrades

1 dogdeity11 8 years, 6 months ago Reply

Jackoalltrades – Since Hosus is my favorite character so far I was delighted you dedicated a chapter to her story! I enjoyed learning more about her personal life. I was wondering how Bertran and Nar would be involved as they are from the same village. Maybe they are the trackers Lian is inviting to stay with her for protection? Guess I’ll find out wont I.
A few things to mention on this one:
1 - Over usage of the word ‘Had’ at the very beginning of the flashback. I’m sure there is some proper English grammar term for this right?
“It had not been…”
“It had been…”
“She had spotted her…”
It didn’t persist throughout though, which is great.
2 – I thought the chapter should have continued on perhaps through the end of the flashback. Maybe that is a result of limited word count per chapter on SM? If this were a book, as a reader I definitely wouldn’t be really for a chapter break here. It just didn’t feel like the right time.
At any rate, another outstanding addition to this series. I am completely absorbed.
Voted a 5.

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1 Jackoalltrades 8 years, 6 months ago Reply

After rereading it, I did use "had" way too many times. Thanks for the input Dog.

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