Discussion of "These Were Once My Friends" by JD_Renaissance

Hey, it looks good! I like the changes. As before, I love the feel of the piece. You really drew me in and helped me KNOW these people. Well done!

Thanks, Aggeloi. And thanks for your help on this one. Your suggestions made all the difference. :)

Ah, this was absolutely brilliant. Absolutely, absolutely brilliant. As Aggeloi said, I got to know these characters, got to feel them, walk in their shoes and in their skin. Utterly brilliant writing, JD. You should be proud of yourself.

My favorite line was this:
"...gift-from-a-proud-wife briefcase."

That just broke my heart. So well written.

Thank you, Sav. One of my favorite lines too. Thank you again for your praise. It means the world.

Fabulous writing, JD. You really made me feel the lives of these characters, each in their own milieau.

Exquisite descriptive paragraphs made a film of the words.

As Sav commented, "you should be proud of yourself"...I'll second that!

Thank you, WWB. This is the first real first person fiction I've tried here. I usually stick to third person because it offers me more opportunity to be descriptive. I'm so glad this experiment turned out so well.

See? Toldja.

Teehee =D

Fantastic!!! What an awesome set up, such beautiful descriptions too. Really great writing JD:)

Thanks Honey!

Great writing....wonderful story

Thank you!

This is an awesome story! I love all the descriptions of the people, and yes you should be really, really proud of yourself! Outstandingly well done!

Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

What I loved most about this piece was what you didn't say. You always focused on what the person had become, with small glimpses for the reader of what her former friends had been like ten years ago. The time between--with the decisions and experiences of each person--is left alone. I think that was a brilliant choice.

You didn't waste a single word in this story. This is probably the most efficiently written piece I've ever seen on this site. Your descriptions were gorgeous (while at times being stomach-churning) and your characters seemed to step right off the page/screen. Perfect "5" from me. :)

Wow... Thank you so much!

Very nice descriptions.

Thank you.

The sagging breast description seems to be contradicted by the protruding ribs. I've not really seen breasts sag that quickly on a person either - 10 years out of high school means the woman is 28-29... 30 possibly - unless she flunked a lot. Leaves me wondering how they got so low when she's still so young. Yikes.

The remainder of the story was fabulous and didn't have me calculating ages and description quite as hard. The descriptions were very vivid.

Unfortunately, I've seen sagging at that age - it isn't pretty. Once at an amusement park, I saw a woman who looked like she hadn't worn a bra in her entire life. Young but sagging really low. As for the ribs, the breasts in the front, ribs on the side.

I've actually witnessed women close to this description before. They looked sooo much older than I would've expected. Wrong choices aged them greatly and destroyed their bodies while they should've still been in their prime.

Thanks for catching the above inconsistencies. And thank you for your praise. :)

Thank you for this, it is vivid, heart breaking and ultimately uplifting at the end so I got a little choked up with poignant joy of the last paragraph. This is absolutely, flawless writing. I probably shouldn't admit that the first woman you described sounded a bit sexy to me :) Just needed a bath, I think. The detail is wonderful, but not cluttering as it might have been in the hands of a lesser writer. Not even a little bit forced, flowing naturally and as smooth as fresh cream. And cream this is! I look forward to exploring more of your work. Please take a peak at mine, if you find the time, and thanks again for a rewarding read! Solid 5!

Big boobs + 3 kiddos, could definately do that to ya. Although, not so dramatic!
JD, as always, you have a God given talent to 'create the scene'. Your style and choose of words are always outstanding. You could sell a heater in hell babe!

I loved it. It left me with a question. Why was she searching for her past. What was happening in her NOW, that gave her such an urge?

Did her life go astray, or did she get news that she had cancer and she was looking for old friends?

At least you have me thinking about it. I didn't just read it and let the impressions slip away.

Chills. Terrific piece. Very heartfelt. Absolutely loved it. Setting aside the emotional aspect, the writing is simply fantastic. Really, really great work.

Thanks, Dogdeity11. I am so glad you enjoyed this.

I'm glad I checked out your work JD. You have a gift, and you haven't wasted it. Beautiful work, making these characters so human and real. Your descriptions made them perfectly clear in my head, even had me wondering what has become of those who were once MY friends. How trivial high school life seems once you're grown! It's so easy to forget in the midst of jobs, bills, and children. Thank you for putting me to reminiscing.

Thank you so much, Rico!

I love the detail