Discussion of "Robin's Rabbit" by JD_Renaissance

I'm hooked! It loosely reminds me of 'The Talisman' by Stephen King in that I can see this wonderfully different world where anything could happen! Wonderful Job!
I'm sorely tempted to write the next chapter but since this is my first hour here I'll wait. Great job!

Thank you so much for your praise! I am a great fan of worlds where anything can and will happen. I hope you take a crack at a second chapter for this. I would love to read it. Thanks again!

You painted this world so vivdly- with a fairy tale feel without the sentimentality.The rabbit "character" was captivating. would love to see wear it goes!
Cheers!
Chloe

oops typos!

Thank you Chloe

It has a really nice flow to it. The descriptions give the scene and the character life. Good chapter.

Thank you. :)

Amazing! I love how you give details with everything to give a clear picture in your head! Great job!

Thank you Pepper. :)

Is "charming" the right word? I think so. Your world was very well created. One too many typos for a perfect chapter, but a good & interesting read nonetheless.

JD, I have read several of your chapters, and admit that I am hooked. You do have a gift; the ability to take your reader into your world, to let them see what you see, hear what you hear, feel as you feel. You're an amazing writer. I am starting from the beginning and reading everything you have to offer here. I am drinking in your world and enjoying it more than my first cup of coffee this morning. That may not seem much to you, but that is, my friend, a very dear compliment, indeed.

Wow, thank you so much! And yes, I understand and am grateful for your compliment. (Coffee, the sweet nectar of creativity... yum...)

Talk about hitting the SM trail with a wham, bam, thankyou, Ma'am...LOL. This was fantastic, JD! I'm glad I decided to "waste some time" reading the first stories of my favorites writer's here...;o). Turns out not to have been a waste of time, at all!

Loved the characters, loved the scenes and the way you described the world without long descriptive paragraphs. Exceptional!!

Thank you, WWB. I'm glad you "wasted time" also. :D

Great, JD. I especially liked the description of the bird of prey at the beginning.

You've created a strong female character that I want to know more about; I'm glad it was chosen for the mash.

Thanks, Djinn! I'm glad it was chosen too.

I really enjoyed this. You've set up an opening swiftly and clearly without being overly 'talky' - every piece of information imparted flowed with the character's thoughts smoothly. And you've left some clear nuggets about deeper angles of Robin's personality - such as the fact that she is no longer impressed or swayed by charismatic noblemen, suggesting that she has a rather interesting story in her history. Well done!

Thanks, Aggeloi! I'm glad you caught the subtleties of it.

This was incredibly well written. I love the word pictures and how easily you brought this story to life for the reader. Very well done, and I look forward to mashing with you!

Thanks, Shadinah!

It seems forever and a day since I wrote this one. (I actually wrote the first draft of it long before SM.) I am glad it was chosen for the Masher's Round and really look foward to seeing where everyone chooses to take it. :D

I'm very interested in where this story is going to go, and very intrigued about the rabbit's behaviour at the end. I loved that you have a female Robin archer character -- not sure yet whether this is a new interpretation of the famous Robin Hood archery contest scene or just one that parallels it, but either way it's cleverly done.

The issues I have with this piece are mostly with the vocabulary and the tone of the piece. You describe scenes that normally would be considered rather majestic, such as the opening with the bird of some kind catching a mouse. But then you leave them incredibly vague -- it's just a bird, not an eagle, hawk, or any other bird of prey. I could almost believe that you are trying to avoid any sort of fancy or flowery descriptions on purpose, just to give piece a more common, down to earth feel -- especially since it appears to follow a simple girl who happens to also be a fine archer. But then you do use phrases and words that I would not consider appropriate if you are trying to keep the language of the piece uncomplicated. And considering that Robin is a hunter, I think she'd be familiar with all the local species and be able to recognize the type of bird and put a label to it. And again, because she's a hunter, I doubt she'd call the rabbit a "bunny." That word has far too affectionate a connotation to it, and at least at this part of the story, the rabbit is just potential dinner.

Sorry, I know i'm not giving as many specific details as usual, but I'm tired. If you want more examples, I'll be happy to add them later.

This was, and I hope still is, a fantasy. When I wrote it a few years before joining SM, my initial thought regarding it was traditional fantasy. No, it wasn't inspired by and doesn't really have anything to do with the Robin Hood legend. Robin is a name I love - or rather, a bird I love, and I have always had an interest in archery, so I put the two together.

One of the reasons I was so vague about things is I wanted to give it that mysterious fantasy feel. Telling too much, revealing too much at the beginning of the story didn't seem to fit. Flowy, flowery descriptions didn't seem to fit. The simplicity is what I wanted because I wanted her character to really stand out. A lot of description went into her and the rabbit rather than in her surroundings. Putting the same amount into both would have, I think, cluttered the piece and made it a rough read.

Also, the reason she didn't name the bird or much of the other wildlife is because the road is unfamiliar to her. She's on a journey. She's left her home in the Dusk Woods behind to make her way to an archery contest. She doesn't know the prey, doesn't know the local wildlife, etc. She might not know if it is a hawk or an eagle, perhaps having never laid eyes on it before - same with the plant - she doesn't know what it is. Her skills tell her how to judge it, but not what it is exactly and whether it is safe to eat.

Bunny, I think, fit because of her youth. Though a seasoned archer/hunter, she is still an adolescent. That and repeating the word rabbit throughout would've become boring and well, repetitive. I loved the flow of the sentence "bunny in sights." When writing it, it had a good... well a good taste, a good feel. It sounded right - young, a little humorous, lightening the mood because she was so serious about not hitting the thing and yet still young enough to laugh at the fact.

I was shocked and a little dismayed when Dkk originally chose this because I wrote it so long ago and it isn't one of my best. It was one of my best when I first joined SM, but I've grown since then and had I a chance to rewrite it, I would have changed it a bit. Bunny in sights line would've stayed though. :) I know in a way I did have a chance, but Dkk didn't request me to rewrite it and I didn't want to ruin her inspiration and ideas by altering mine.

I'm glad it interested you and that you are intrigued by the bunny's behavior. I'm glad also that you thought it clever. I hope I cleared a few things up - though having to do so in the comments section means I didn't do a good enough job in the story itself. :)

Thank you, as always, for your feedback, Ace. I appreciate it and it is always welcome.

I liked the "bunny in sights" line - and totally understand the monotony of using "rabbit" all the time - there aren't too many other words for it though....

JD_Renaissance, I can tell I am going to love this storyline. What a great start. I thought you did a fantastic job with descriptions and mood.
It’s of course got a little Alice in Wonderland feel to it, which is cool. The writing was flowery and well crafted. What I loved was that even though it wasn’t necessarily written in the style of a children’s tale, it still has that feel too it, which appealed to the kid in me.
Great Job!

Thank you, Dog, for your wonderful comments!

To be honest, I couldn't get into this. I feel bad about that considering so many people have enjoyed it. I guess for me ... it was lacking conflict...?