Discussion of "Clay" by JD_Renaissance

Wow, interesting concept and I DO want to know the sad tale. LOL Guess we thought the same in using the same P.O.V's in our new chapters huh? LOL Anyway, You left so many self-imposed questions unanswered, but perfectly! Great job! Again, wow, I'm struck that you can turn working clay into an interesting story!

Thanks, Dkk! I'm glad you liked it.

Great to see you posting again, JD...;o).

Your usual, exceptional use of words and phrasing were evident here; in particular the fourth paragraph I thought was really well done. You did a good job building interest in the story and the main character.

I can't remember if it was Shadinah or Aggeloi (I think Aggie, though) that severely chastised me once for directly addressing the audience. In that case, she was absolutely right...lol. Here, I think you worked it very well but...the transition afterward seemed a bit clunky to me. Too abrupt? I don't know...something.

Thanks, WWB. It's good to be posting again.

Not my best, not my worst. Just something I wrote while working with clay. (Making 150 magnets for a mother daughter tea I was co-hosting.) I don't normally address the reader and I don't normally write in the first person. But both seemed to fit this time. I agree about the clunkiness. This one seems to lack my usual rhythm and pacing.

I don't think it was too abrupt, just missing a few key sentences to really help it move along. I don't think it was clunky, it fit the scene but it did lack your beautiful rhythm you usally write with. I can't decide if it was too slow or fast, but nonetheless it was a great starter! I did see that it wasn't the style you usually write; you usually have a flowery/flowy feel to your stories, but then again I guess that style wouldn't have worked for a 1st person pov huh? LOL Good job JD, glad to see something from you again!

Thanks, LadyLuck!

You are absolutely correct. I am wondering about the shackles, the blood, and the bruises.

Great intro chapter that convinces me you have already written chap two. Out with it! I'm along for the ride...so let's go somewhere. You have molded an excellent beginning. I am looking forward to the next chapter, as the story is artistically caressed into shape.

Thank you, Alharris! I'm glad what little I wrote caught your interest.

Um... actually, I haven't written anything else for this. I was bored while making some magnets and the first few sentences popped into my head. I don't think I had any plans of continuation with this one - it is more just a prompt/practice. Again, thanks!

JD...I wanted to take you up on an offer you made awhile back, reference my novel. I don't have your email. Mine is lexallen@yahoo.com, if you don't want to post yours here...;o). Hope to hear from you soon.

Excellent beginning to a story. It almost sounds biblical in a sense. I think others will have a hard time to continue the story due to you doing so well on the intro. I am finding myself struggling with writing the continuation of the sad tale. So many different directions you can go with this. Great job!

Thank you so much for your wonderful comments. I'm glad you liked it.

Does this mean you are working on chapter two? If so, I look forward to reading it. :D

This is an exceptional start, JD. It drew mw in, made me wonder and best of all, made me want to write.

Thanks, Djinndarme! I am so glad this inspired you. :D

Personally, I found the "clunkiness" that others noticed a natural part of the narration. This person is chained to a chair, in such a state of physical pain that much of it can no longer be felt, forced (apparently) to do nothing but work with clay for years upon years. Since you're writing in first person, giving the character a unique, distinct voice, I found the stream-of-consciousness narration quite fitting.

You wove this beautifully, supplying details without going overboard, grabbing the reader's interest and refusing to let go. I'd love to see more - I know you didn't plan on writing more on this, but I think it merits continuation. (Either that, or I'd love to see more Renaissance...)

Thanks, Aggeloi! I actually starting writing another chapter to this in my head the other day. Unfortunately, I forgot everything before I had a chance to write it down. I might try again, this time with pen and paper handy. :)

I'm not certain whether I'll work on Renaissance anymore or not. I love the story, and have it completed in outline form. We'll see. I might revive the storyline and finish it. Thanks again, my friend!

Good Grief. Do you come in some form of bauble, or stuffed, fuzzy toy that I can put in my pocket or stick here in on my desk shelf?

You're an absolute keeper.

*Blushes*

Thank you for the wonderful comment. Unfortunately, I only come in one size and it isn't small enough for pockets. Unless they're really, really big pockets. Glad to know I'm a keeper.

Welcome to the site, Cleo! I'll take a look at your work sometime in the near future. :)