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Discussion of "A Winter Fail (4)" by JD_Renaissance


4 djinndarme 4 years, 2 months ago Reply

JD, this is a great chapter.

It's full of little gems like: 'Have you ever walked across a street in China?"

And the cliffhanger... I was thinking, "Arrgh! Don't stop now!"


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1 JD_Renaissance 4 years, 1 month ago Reply

Thanks DJ. I was so afraid I changed the voice of the main character too much while trying to focus more on Vic. I'm glad there are some good gems in there. :)


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2 alharris 4 years, 2 months ago Reply

JD, I loved the little adventure while building-hopping. Vic's character is really being developed. I've got to hand it to all the mashers, as once again this ending shows just how well you all transition from one author to another. It's like watching a relay race in slow motion as the baton is handed off with perfect choreography.


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2 JD_Renaissance 4 years, 1 month ago Reply

I agree, Al. This project is a real challenge, trying to keep the voice and feel of each story. Very fun. :D


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2 Aggeloi 4 years, 1 month ago Reply

Great movement forward (figuratively AND literally)! I enjoyed the building-hopping, as well as likening it to crossing a street in China (the second time reading it through, I had to laugh at "and then it hit me..." - pun intended?

My first time through, I spotted an -ly word that had a typo, but now I can't find it...

But I liked the expansion on Vic's character, while still keeping the mousy uncertainty in the main character. Nicely done!


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1 JD_Renaissance 4 years, 1 month ago Reply

Thanks, Aggeloi!

I went through all the "ly" words and didn't find anything. It did help me eliminate several unnecessary words though, so thanks. :) If you catch it again, let me know.

:D


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2 writerwannabe 4 years, 1 month ago Reply

Shine on, JD...;o).

I liked it all..make that loved it all. I'm really liking Vic and as others mentioned - building hopping - crossing the street in China and, what no one else has thusfar mentioned - the newspaper sticking bit..;o)

Great cliffhangar ending. I'm glad I don't follow you because I have no clue what "the truth" could possibly be...lol


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1 JD_Renaissance 4 years, 1 month ago Reply

Thanks, WWB! It's amazing how random little bits of our lives suddenly become great material for our work.

I did have something in mind as far as "the truth" was concerned. But I thought it would be better to leave that to the next writer. :D


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