Discussion of "Mad Dash"(draft) by JD_Renaissance

I wanted to keep this one short because of the faster pace and to build tension. However, I'm worried it might be too short. Thoughts?

I think it's a bit too short, JD. You certainly kept the tension up. Introducing the cop is a great idea and increases the speed of the story. I like the paragraph about quality time, men crying and three year old head butts.

Maybe adding to the chase...coach, Volvo, cop.. and stopping at some sort of climax to the chase scene? Just an idea. You DID ask...LOL.

No worries, WWB. This is why I asked. I was afraid that if I brought the chase scene to a climax or just before it, it would come too soon. There are, I think, six or seven chapters to follow this one... Still, I'll give it some thought and see what I can do. Thanks for your help. :D

Ah yes, pacing. I don't tend to worry too much about pacing the story, since there'll be so many other authors contributing their bits. Without knowing the ending (except the final writer), it's hard to separate segments into a good breaking point. More importantly, with the nature of StoryMash, stories require good [cliff]hangers to give the following author a jump point.

I, too, found this chapter a bit short. I like the ending. I like the speed. More could happen in the interim, or you could extend the cop encounter and provide a different kind of hanger.

My approach tends to be a word count (yep, I copy and paste former chapters to get an idea of length investment). Dog's chapters are almost always sizeable, but they're far from slow. If someone puts the time and effort into their words, I'll try to do the same. Too many short-quick-yowza cuts and you end up with a very brief tale.

So far as I know, no one's made outlines of any of the individual branches, right? Which leaves you wide open to write as much/as long as you'd like. But methinks you could do another 300-400 words and it wouldn't hurt it at all.

While I agree the chapter is too short, the intensity and emotion are up where they should be.

Give us a bit more, JD and I think you've got it.

Shouldn't it be 'head-butt to the family jewels'? Here's my comment on length: it shouldn't matter because when it is all said and done, if we all adapt to the style of writing, your average reader won't be able to tell where one of us left off and the other started. For this particular piece, it can end just the way it does...but I wouldn't mind one more additional turn of events to set up the starting point for the next masher: car stalls, low fuel light is on, a race to beat a train, more cops with a strip of nails targeted at dad/coach's car, dad's brakes are out because the chase was anticipated and his car was tampered with...perhaps he was the target all along.

Thanks for the catch regarding head-butt. I always forget that hyphen. (And my hubby just calls them "the family" which is why I left out "jewels.")

Thanks everyone for the help - I'll try to find time to add a bit more to this today.