Discussion of "Renaissance: Flood – Day 362, 9am" by JD_Renaissance

Whoa, I don't like this creep at all.

Me neither. :D

Oh, JD, I hope you will not think badly of me and keep in mind that this is an honest critique, but this chapter just doesn't work...;o(.

While I agree that a confrontation between Renni and Norman had to come; I thought that this lacked too much...okay, I have to say it...verisimilitude.

I find it very hard to believe that Renni would allow Norman to get that close to her, that she would allow him to touch her without immediate and aggressive response. Sure her gauntlets grew to weapons, but she would not have waited that long.

After Norman pulls the gun, I can see her position, but I don't think she would have allowed it to get that far. Okay, after she knocked him on his ****, he could have pulled the gun...maybe.

And, when Norman knocks Mina down - although I would be concerned for my dog - Norman's action left him vulnerable and I would have immediately retaliated, not gone to the dog and ignored the bad guy with a gun. Maybe it's a male/female point of view? lol.

No. Renni has been trained to fight and she didn't. That's disappointing and well, not in character.

The writing, itself, was as usual exemplary. Good action sequences..;o)

I read all your most recent comments first before coming back to reply so I know you now understand Renni's motives. What is really interesting is the verisimilitude. This chapter was hard for me to write because it was pretty close to home. While I've never had anyone attack me as Renni did, I have trained to fight and have wondered if the need ever came, would I be able to use the skills I've developed or would I freeze. Renni reacted the exact way I believe I would have reacted. Not only did Renni hesitate because of Norman's motives, but she hesitated because she was in a way afraid. I kind of touched on this when she thinks of how he's been watching her and how he would be able to anticipate her movements. She froze and didn't know whether she could fight him or not. But when he attacked someone else - Mina - instincts came in and she was able to shove him off. Her going for Mina and not for Norman was based solely on her understanding of his motives, her fear gone in the heat of things. I'm sorry that all this didn't come across in the scheme of things. Any suggestions for the rewrite?

Ummm, maybe throw in some of her thought processes. That she knew he was baiting her to strike out at him. He wasn't afraid because he knew she wouldn't/couldn't do him serious harm, just enough to use against her.

Not sure it's necessary, though, because of the next chapter. Still, were it me...I'd add something...;o)

Good advice, Wwb. I'll have to be careful to not lose the flow and tension of it, but if I drag the scene out a bit, have her walk away from him, be followed and cornered again, etc. then it should work. It might benefit the scene anyway to drag it out. Thanks for your help, my friend.

He HIT the DOG.

He dies now. Painfully. Slowly. Now.