This is good, Shadinah. I love the deeper insight into the mind of our baddie - investing reader emotion in him adds greatly to the overall story. Well done.

As this is unfinished, I'm not certain whether you are planning on putting other sections in. I, for one, would love to see what is happening with Trina at this point as she is one of the major characters in the story. (There are other characters I'd like to see as well, but naming them might influence your chapter and I don't want to do that.) :D

Overall, well done. Looking forward to seeing this finished.

Looking good so far, WWB. Love the description of Rose and the bond forming between her and Robin. Also liked the rabbit sensing danger. However, I would break up the text where you switch to the watcher's pov in order to give us readers a visual cue to the change. The plums part was brilliant as was the addition of new conflict/baddies. Can't wait to see this chapter finished!

"A Winter Fail (4)" has been published. Thanks to everyone who gave their two cents and helped me make it a better chapter. :D

http://storymash.com/u/JD_Renaissance/nodosovi/

One week down, Mashers, one to go before this round's deadline. The sooner we submit and publish, the sooner we'll get to round 4. :)

To those of you who have already submitted and published - Thank you! Your chapters are amazing. Those who haven't had a chance to read and comment, I highly recommend doing so - everyone has done an incredible job thus far not only in this round but in previous rounds also. It is amazing to see how each story has maintained its original voice throughout. Well done Mashers!

To those of you who are still working on your chapters, let me know if you don't think you'll make the deadline and we'll work something out - perhaps have another masher jump in and offer their assistance if necessary.

Let's keep Flight One of this summer's Masher's Round going strong!

Congratulations on your six, Al!

Gonna be harder than me, eh? :D

This is an amazing team for flight two. I cannot wait to see what you guys come up with!

Thanks, Aggeloi!

I went through all the "ly" words and didn't find anything. It did help me eliminate several unnecessary words though, so thanks. :) If you catch it again, let me know.

:D

"I was able to fit the lumps within around the protruding bottles"

I think you meant one or the other but not both "within" and "around." :)

Absolutely loved the last line. Great job keeping the tone of the overall story. :D

I agree, Al. This project is a real challenge, trying to keep the voice and feel of each story. Very fun. :D

Thanks DJ. I was so afraid I changed the voice of the main character too much while trying to focus more on Vic. I'm glad there are some good gems in there. :)

Okay. I tweaked and published the above draft and added another chapter. Leaving this as a draft like the last. Hope you enjoy. :D

http://storymash.com/u/JD_Renaissance/gifukosu/