Miss you too, Cheese. Hope all is going well for you as well.

Keep writing. It's worth continuing. There were few oopsies regarding punctuation, but nothing that detracted from the story. The imagery, pacing, repetition, and overall tone were refreshing; they kept me reading and kept me interested/invested in the character. I'm intrigued as to where you go with this. Well done.

Welcome to the site, WillowCreek. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to read something actually well written and thought out on this site. I've been a member of SM for several years, but if you visit my page you'll see I haven't truly participated in a while, mostly due to the degradation of quality and unique writing being presented here, as of late. Your chapter has inspired me to momentarily come out from the deep dark corners of mere observation and offer a comment before going back to my usual lurking. Thank you for that.

First off, there were a few typos, nothing major and they didn't detract from the flow, for the most part. The voice and pace of the story fit the target audience almost perfectly. However, the part with the dictionary might be tweaked slightly to avoid a minor point of confusion.

As simple as the writing was (which is a good thing as you're writing about, and thus for, 12-year-olds), I found myself quite intrigued, though it's been many years since I could be considered a part of your target audience. The simplicity might be tweaked in order to add a little more of a challenge to your reader. Otherwise, well done meeting that target as well as pushing past it to catch a more vast and varied audience.

The main character interaction, and the intertwining back-stories, flowed well. While their interactions with Mr. Lamppost seemed a little... forced... their connection to each other gave it a stronger tone and appeal to younger readers. I suppose my one major complaint for this chapter would be their interaction with Mr. Lamppost and your characters overreaction/forced actions and dialogue with him. A good friend and fellow SM'er might actually comment on the verisimilitude of their interaction with Mr. Lamppost. (But that is his area of expertise.) (WWB, if you're out there lurking also, what are your thoughts?)

I think what I liked about this chapter the most, was the simplicity in the names and themes. Though they were simple, almost bordering on unimaginative, they were, in fact, quite the opposite. Very imaginative. Very different. The simplicity itself lends to the greater appeal and has me intrigued as to what's next.

In summary, good job writing for your target audience and finding the proper voice to reach young teens. Be wary as to character overreactions - they rob a piece of verisimilitude. Brilliant and inventive use of the mundane in theme - ice cream and sweets. And, above all else, keep writing. I look forward to seeing where this story goes. More so, and more importantly, I look forward to seeing where you go as a writer. =)

Read an interesting review on a fantasy book I enjoy. It wasn't a very positive review, but some of the comments caught me off guard not necessarily because of the negativity, but because of what exactly the reviewer found distasteful. Namely, the map the author included in the front of the book. Though I can't remember the exact words, this reviewer warned other readers that the sign of a bad fantasy was the inclusion of a map. (One of the co-authors of this book is an amazing and well known fantasy artist, so it wasn't the quality of the map in so much as it was simply including it.)

Fellow writers, readers, artists, friends, and any combination there in - What are your thoughts? Do maps of a fantasy world help? Does the use of a map denote bad writing - the writing should be strong enough not to need one? And, on a similar note, what are your thoughts on glossaries (characters, terms, locations), pronunciation guides, etc.?

Good to see you here and sorry to hear about that nastiest of ailments - Writer's block. *Shudders* Blech!

Writing here will help. Getting back in touch with fellow writers on and off this site will help too. Hint hint ;)

As for the book, sometimes deadlines aren't very realistic, as much as we would like them to be. Life happens. Writing happens. Most people (many writers included) feel that what we do is linear - point A to point Z in a nice, neat, straight line. Nope. Nuh-uh. Not really, no. In my experience, writing is like scribbling over a dot to dot. Sometimes you have to go back to go forward to go back to go back to go forward to go up to go down to go diagonal.... *deep breath* and so on and so forth, until all the dots are eventually connected.

Something I learned the hard way - sometimes one has to let go of the "shoulds." I should be done. I should have gotten this scene perfect by now. I should write this in order. I should have my characters such and such, and (again) so on and so forth. (My favorite is "I should have my head examined." To this day, I've managed to ignore that particular should quite admirably.) Shoulds are writing-energy killers. They sap the inspiration right out of us. When one is busy worrying about where one should be, one can't focus on where one wants to be.

That said, Huzzah for your pledge to contribute once a month to the site! Good luck, happy writing, and it'll be nice to read your work again! :)

Very well written. Emotionally charged and well paced up until the last couple of lines at the end, where the pacing changed from flowing to contrived/forced. For all intents and purposes, well done.

Well written, Regz. One of the best I've read on the site in a long while. You achieved, without a shadow of a doubt, the nervous voice you were going for. Incredible. Well done.

After receiving some delightful feedback from fellow Mashers, I've published the above chapter, titled: "Cabbage Soup."

Sometimes, the best way to fix a story that seems a bear to follow, is to go back a few paces and start again. After reading the two existing chapters for project Zorro, and some recent comments made regarding them, I've tried my hand at an alternative chapter two. If this new chapter somehow offers more inspiration for others to continue and finish the story, hurray. If not, it was a fun exercise in writing for children. This alternate chapter is short, but it does set up conflict and a "mission" for the young protagonist.

I'll keep it as a draft for a day or so - I'm not very familiar with the culture depicted in the story and so hope to be enlightened to, and have an opportunity to correct, any oopsies I might've made.

http://storymash.com/u/JD_Renaissance/luhahaha/

Thank you so much, Aggie and DJ. Your comments are very much appreciated. :) Good to see you both here again.