Discussion of "once was happy chpter4" by HuntsFamousWolf

I like the first portion, goes along w/ the rest, but it muddles as soon as you say "i only have 3 friends" and then you start talking about that. One gets the impression that somethings gonna happen to this guy when you say "they finally kicked me out of my apartment."
Perhaps you might save character descriptions until those characters appear, or until they become an integral part of a digression or flashback.

very true...

published it on accedent..

I don't know about the whole friend thing. None of the rest of this has a very strict structure to it (which I think is part of its charm- the narrator is unravelling, so the story does too in a way), so I don't see why characters should be introduced in any manner other than randomly. They'll pop up in the plot eventually and hopefully the reader will remember them. I've said it before though and I'll say it again. I think you can clean this up a little and sky-rocket it from interesting to genius...

i deeply apreciate your constructive critisism...

i deeply apreciate your constructive critisism...