To a girl

                               Plain we grow

        To life  I have never really experienced, merly  looked out the window. This room and  this house,the  only things I have to look forward to.Books, they fill  me with experiences never experienced,as if you are  in their shoes,in that time. It is the only thing i have, I would have painted my room red if not for this.It is a friend,a stranger,a lover.I dont have a father. They had asked for a bridge, that could not be built. He had worked there for 20 years, but It seemed he had slowly begin to dig his grave. As everyday he walked out the door less alive, everyday he returned home, more defeated. He might have never wanted this. Maybe it what he saw In me, what he once was. He wished to defy the laws of confinement, he had built himself a prison he was the prisoner. He may had found joy as an executioner, hit man, he took directions no matter the order, if he were in Germany, he would have been a Nazi. His political views, represent, fascism.  taking away  such a precious gift. He had been sucked up from his comfortable existence, put into a unwanted one. He had the dead stare of a steel, cold as the oceans, Only emotion was anger, crying at funerals. I still don’t understand why, he had construed life as vainful, as work, suicidal, marriage a cage. For he is as a bomb, Steel and emotionless, the only purpose is to leave in array. He is dead, but not yet buried. In death he might find peace, at least as an artist, he painted death  to be enjoyed. As he was unwrapping a box, to find nothing inside. to be not be bothered, as he knew it the whole time. He hated his job,life,wife, everything he did he found dissapiontment. He is  nothing more then a character,figment of my imagination .All these books I read are His,Catcher in th rye,tropic of cancer,capicorn,the sun also rises,person to person,If i die in a combat zone,boxme up,ship me home.the art of motorcycle maintiance.  dandylion wine.brave new world.His music collection was just as good.Mother had said Once he had jumed off a bridge,went to war,freak virus,drownding ,murder,abduction,spy.Then one day she just told me    he left, she begin to weep and I held her.the world can seem as a adventurous and horrible place. A reality of boxes and rectangles,a fireplace to stay warm. the television listing problems and its your jo to fill ithe  blank. Happiness is best shared,but easier ruined. Images are a powerful thing it capture's the soul.     These images of war,suffering,starving. The great w.w. were millions went off to die.while others slept in their beds there lifes uneffected. the try to put you there.      To the unseen girl of my love. I love you as undefined and unreasonable it might be. I was 800miles away,alone smoking a cigette. She s free, freeier then anyone. she resembles fine art,in the opaue and blessing of thefiner things in life.