"As the dark clouds moved in the first time i relized they would move on.they had been hanging over my headlike an unforgetable memory which could substain a lifetime and cover the endless miles on my feet and inmy dreams"
"God,Help my poor soul,
-Edgar Allan Poe's final word's Dearh
In all beginings there must be an ending,conclusion a moment where action cause's reaction.A few words tolend to time.Does the word end mean no more or a ending to a new begining. A ending to most seems no moreits over,never ending darkness a deep sleep of never, a blank dream.Or the fluorescencse, flight of unimaginable,flight of lifeand spirit to the unknown, for all I know its the begining of the rest of your life,which side you choose is your own atwhich side of the spectrum you stand and of 13 grams of spirit of soul how much do you have or is there none.I grew up warm ,dry ,happy, and if anything. I made myself be happy, so they dident piont there fingers at me,thought they would later in life , it felt as if it were that way the whole time. 13 has made and destroyed my life, where on earth. the pure are corupted ,and the corupted are pure.a stranger in all forms of life,to what it was to be human, of there reasoning and understanding.Maybe they had done as they felt but it seems they had all done the same.I walked out of a store and in my head said,'It should be raining", it begin to pour.There i begin to relize what may be.Only so many stand aloneagainst the current, this generation has ,no unity, no reason. kinda time were it makes you long for the past. A feeling of it should no be like this and change is everything.Forgivness by everything is the hardest part of human feeling, forgivness of everything,No record's to be kept....
"My heart feel as the ocean swelling, with the divine of heaven and hell and everything in between,If you get to close it may explode with the beuity of love the beuity of hate and mystery.and they will rebuild the wall in which were it stood each brick one by one reaching higher towards the sky, the motor like the heart holding and hardening everyday to the outside world until completely enclosed in our unhappy world, you and i.For there is no need to look for everlasting happinessjust to die and and be and that is all.
I am to weak to move.I can hear the shoes scuffling on the floor I lay in this bed,I feel very lucid and dreamy with these nurse's all telling me I'll make it up but I know its time.I lived a well life ,I worked,I thought.I tired to mean well,tried to love,i was miserable,i was happy,But i was alone most the time,made me strong,made me smart.knew i had to survive, did, but i got old.I dident relize effect on my body.Always said it would end but when today, tommrow.Away in the rushing for not a tear to be shed.Life is now a drug ,a filler,pillof illusion.day after day of the same should drive anyone mad,could no longer laugh or cry. it was not a joke anymore ,it was not sad, it was not lonly, a understanding that energy continues and goes on forever. The clowns who drink and sob in there 2 faced life and the 2 faced world, a change in tides of feeling in the way ive always felt.The positive, the negtive, the neutrul. I walked as the dead among the living.For some times the lights stand still to see the flourescent blinding the beuity of the stars and the universe.Was riding my bicycle like a man who'd lost his cause his reasoning from to town to back 15 miles, when the city was filled and rushing.and at the night's the drunks leave the bars.Id walk from the bridge and write under there,with the homless wasting day after day.feeling no pity but intrest.some Lady almost hit me one day she was screaming"your so **** lucky,so **** lucky".stood at the train track and wondered how it would feel to jump into 20 tons and a 1 second of pain to elapse into the other world,An old man tap's me on the back ask's me to stand back from the tracks,"why?" 5 people have died here since it was built.But I knew he was leing. if there is any thing that I could not wait anymore felt like a kid on christmas could not wait to see the true gift of life and soul. a divid into a everlasting theroy on life and what it means, is there a life after death and a beginging to a end.To explain and grasp the total understanding.my mind can ponder to death but no further as a organism it can not comprehend death.To my body a dying manestfation that is dying every day.I had drifted with this society in all means til i relized who i was,what i am.The simple things that we call normal which are so far from, everything in this society. In one moment of disblief.....
"wish the best that can be wished" wish wish
something showed me how unnormal our simple exsitence seem's A evil root that has spread and encovered everythingin life. thing people consider safe, cars,Bridges,skyscrapers. From a thousand years back and long before,they reachedto the sky ,wondered were we came from. Here all the slaves to there money.fighting,cursing and racing all trying to feedthe machine,seem there all mindless things untrue to what life really mean."we were the first generation of color tv kids"they play all the epiosodes that mock my life..daydream of life which we live in I ve always felt the truth of secrets of dark i guess i never dared my lips to spark.And out of the stupidty of life give me another cancer cigrette.wish the best that could be wished. Beuitful dreams of livingfloating along blenched. My misery has left..To not be as you are maybe is the worst sin of all.Programmed in our sleep, he'll walk at night looking for you.I know he's here in this town, I can feel him.I only hope he show's no mercyEnd's me quickly,as a common man i hoped he would do.I felt worthless he felt the same about me and himself and this whole damn world.felt they should all suffer from his disformity.
"I used to feel like I was invincable,i dared to meet the pricibal"
i feel only equal with them, for i do not know how far you can go into wrath.Who know's how far the rabbit hole goes, but in the end your grave is always the end result.maybe our own negetivity is making the world a horrible place.our minds controlling the universe and fortune of all.Tv pumping war and raging oil. the obbession in our grief and unluck, seem everyone thinks they deserve something.Well i moved on and went away did not seem to matter though those days were long on there way.Wished they could have warned me and toldme to go away. And the world is not fair so why should god be. people forget if everything is a composition of god then hitler and serial killers are all a creation of Man.A hope that one day all will be settled between good and evil. A unseen war in our eyes like many does this not mean that it is a war, its self.A war on earths ground of morals and sickness and the right between wrong were the line gets further ,everyday.It is a time for change. to tear down the walls in which we have built and change the reasoning of mankind.Before we all abliterate each other for the sake of greed and evil.For there is no more need for suffering but a want for it, a constant chilling wind demand's of pain and greif which hell it self could not withstand a constant wind to our backs pushing us to the greatest war of all wars.which you will not outlast and your children will not outlast and up the tree the scar only deepen on each's heart til it gets to the core and rotts."about love and life" LoveLoVE
"i Woke up sad this morning.Relizing I seek hapiness is Another.That my never be.Why I ask day after day waking up to the same life,same face is the mirrror,Whendoes seeking love feel like a interminable search.It's not spilled.Shelter and perpare for the worse.Worse will always come.People know what comesaround the bend,blindly walk in .Knowing.WONT MAKE YOU FEEL THE AGONY THE PAIN. NICE TO KNOW YOU WONT BE MISSED. ABOUT LOVE AND LIFE, IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.THINGS ARE DIFFRENT NOW, HOPED WE GROW OLD TOGHTHER.ITS OKAY, I HAVE MY OWN DISTANCES TO COVER, SEEMES LIKE EVERYDAY THE WORLD IS GETTING SO MUCH BIGGER" Lines got blured the colors bleed. Same old 4 walls covering all these towns and halls, all these strange new familiar faces.I seem bored with limitless space.litlle hapiness.it's a nightmire, emtions are gone it feels so empty. Guess i am just here for the show it is no more stimulating then hiding away, Blind mass ingnorence is bliss and somthing when its gone you wont miss. Lie to me and tell you knowdefine life without reason, for my hand are much fuller then yours.Before the words had leaped your lips of heartbreak, i knew i felt it the day before in extreme flows of melancholy.She was sweet like rosemary tea."you'll never know what it feels like....to feel unloved"
I know i care alot about you more then anyone has ever been in my life and understanding which i would curse on nobody.wish you were my friend it hurt alot and i wish it got easier. not the same people we once were,problems of basic communication, said what you dident mean but i guess it made it easier to forgive. Destructibleness in someway.. i try to simper though times i wanted to scream and not stop and say every thing i trully felt.constancy shuddery, scented by a warm smile to where your eyes can see no further distances that seemed once to great to cover, now only hours away our missles pionted in their direction and theirs in ours, and time will only tell.
"And it seemed in the last
moments of my life, the good
the bad, the sadness where
all of new thought's and
ideas to this world"
"To be rid of all things in the past,to clense the mind
And be reborn.into what is truth"
As the child begins to open up there eye and control the world outside,universe.a voice above says "dont you clash and burn" in theroy in life, on the name of our family.in the heart of others be kind dont take, just give,sorry son but you cant help the helpless,cant fix what already broken."dont let your moral change even if it astranges you" and all other's around,do what is right in your heart and you tattered mind, to see what other's dont and once you open your eyes for they will not close and let your thought come natrully dont pre occupy, dont create just be to stand in a field of 1000 of soul and to feel overply, with thought, dont be concerned its all the negtive and postive battery sending there vibrations."please dont go wild, ."dont you stay out late and dont fall in love",for they will break you heart, it felt to good to be trueas it was like dream come true. nothing is perfect.or ever will be,you will try to believe when your young, but when you wise. see that love is blind,and you and me are a blind man walking in the street, i hear a man speaking of his cataclysm.that he lost out he gave his whole heart to a women and she gutted him like a fish ,she took othello car and drove it far ,Lago said "she was his star above shinning, beutful, all in love".she left him there ,broken, shattered kind of feeling in you heart of nullity, the blues he never really needed. no car, no girl,"well that what I believe In..worthless, pointless. for in you heart is god,and your brain, Man.felt i should be naked in a empty four sided box and break the walls relize,i am free, free of need and cares,big beuitful world outside. the heart of evil which is money.like the goverment,where the pure is corrrupt and the corupt is pure. Its not easy but i never said was,guess forgivness is the hardest part you took a bite off the tree of knowledge,now take a bite of life.meet you on the other side of the box, the circle whose center is everywhere yet no where.first time i feel alive, a surreal sense of surrondings, a divine line of open lands and free spirits, a rembrence of what used to be, now unbound slaves.glorfication of violence,lust, ingnorence and de-eduction.this is all of its blissfulness in all its colors,plain bitter and battery operated.children all weary,pale,cold,heartless featherless,slowly disending,splitting,where is the sky when you need it?
"Hello Rain,Mr.misery"Mysery Miseryalways dark only useful when its nice.farwell fairweather,hello rain,mr.misery.they call it,mr life mr death.falling slow and silent thought airless space.seems they face the sky in defience,of the blood soaked battle ground freeways.tommomrow is wasted,today is the beggining, the beginning to change.I seek and I found here I am there are you.all relevent now for all i do is laugh and cry, so little to do about it now, to love and set free.i met a man who told me he knew everything. walk with him and listen well, see that he know the future, and all in you head, drinks and smokes and tells everyone give up on hope.for all your happiness has now, delenda. see the seigniory ,everywhere.faces in the clouds.in this bliss i wish what how it seems to be. He's my alter ego. once a person told me it hurt to love you and i comprehnd,for i was sent here by a man to feel pain misery ,to be unloved and be plain. for he has seen the road ahead he has seen around the bend he says it dosent look very good.headstone for where my shadow once stood.i reverence that most dont know outside this man made box never feel and touch anything real in thier life's,maybe real in their life's but not in realtiy,reality is what you make it.but like on the sceen a bigmokery of what life is.sittin, wasted, a third of your life wasted on loving the unlovable,i waited on the road of life for a chance a offering a ride for something better.the path of least resistance which became complete restiance.this is kind of exciting,i feel isolated.i feel no need for another.i feel the outside world is only irriatation.childhood where the world seems open arms,you and all,only to be strange and diffrent and unwiling to bend.i wished i could feel like before though, i lived in a lie.i hope you ll rise and suceed to your hopes, but i know you will sacfice ,endure.i built walls for defense only to be destroyed from the inside,much like the roman and ourself.i feel we will destroy the world in which like has never been done.the garbage and concrete covering once great land.all my friends immolation's like me in someway.a reflection of what's to come,a man saying global warming is the greatest threat to man."We got here a little bit late but did it matter anyway" time time
STRANGer time involves numbers, everything does.
God made man perfect. but to the modern man.
Man was not bullet proof.should we stay or should we go
fly away never come back
to find no one
give us coffe to drink,drink,drink
go faster and faster and dont you think
and all i do is work,sleep,****.
doesent really sound like loveTime can go so fast so slow,seems the important times of your life, go bye, so fast you can barley hold on to memories the feeling.Before time takes it toll and that memory is visible yet so distant,as it were not you.but a distance vision and clarity in which you can only surrond youself with the idea's ,a short dance of rembrence. our life is only a drop on the articals of time,Our present day history may never continue.And if some fool does write it.it will be the bigest imprudent imitation of truth and times ,cause this generation is lost.lost to the bedevil of time.Our minds warped and our views emulated to the dream of the modern man.I know the good times never really last,Like mother marry virgin you are liven in the past,present may change.scintillate into the night. History thats the way it goes.Lots of people die, lots of people go.as global itself.look at theheart and go into clearly.I feel as i in a plane going down, all the swine squeling.I just want a moment of silence,beforewe all die. instead of screaming like druken bastards.I think it is time for a modern revoultion.The robin hood theroy.I saythink it reasonable, undestandable,fair."Make the Rich, Poor." Democracy's as dead as technology."Time Is very Limited.and it's easy to waste.look how far we fell from the tree of knowledge.onto the ground of confusion and change when you believe you never will.For i know small energy, in great force can effect great matter.Seem i grew up in a time of not my own.Fori have felt the saturation throught the years,have you heard multiplcation's in your ears.god is graceous when your old.when your young all is well,grow up,all is hell,get old,all seems swell."to spend our lifes on paper that is given worth, seems helpless and degrading.
"prescribe,sanity for the insane,insanity for the sane" sanitysanity
I guess it must take a long time to get there,Press it every morning when the alarm goes off,Every time i say a praier before i go to bed.Why would i want to be another rat in the race, what race?race to early lifes.race to divorce,race to diabetes,race to the destuction of america,Race to global empire,race to coruption.Race to stupidity and enslavement.race to child payment.race to cancer.race to facism,race to cheap labor,race to **** it all up?mankind and eve,For I Know I am Not Free,tho the chains on my wrist are invisible.NO more hiding in your mask's,no more racing like rats.there they are there.avertisment of sex,food,laughter. the goverment does.poor, but in the eyes of jesus.Became exactly what we fleed from, what is on the otherside?that intrest's me. to walk the fine line is hard,when you spent your whole life at the bar.So much cooler in life riding hand in hand with the devil.Well it is time that i must go.Farwell and again, when it all turn's off, I'll be nowhere to be found.Rember im the cheapest glass of wine.your fine whiskey. Don't worry this was cursed long before our time.I know life will never be fully explained And I know my heart my never change, and i dont wish for what i dont have.Though i deserved alot.When in the world of real, won't always know what to think and what to feel.Is it time to fold.Do know where im gonna go,do know if ill shine or fold, It all came to me,"I was driving my car one night,car was drunk and i was high,Lord i feel like a cigrette,Lit to burn, but not to live".
"I cant wait til i get Home,pave ourself a brand new road.Lights turn on and it goes dark,warm inhere and cold outside.People all look sad out there,Slowly they all rushing home"
"In all begginning's, there must be a end,aA Few Words To Lend"
I grew up in a small town or what was once a smalltown 5 lights,Now today 100's. a suburbia in the hills.with 3 mountain'sLife was simple then for I was a child.My parents were simple people,like all simple people.I was probley a baby and they all said how perfect i was.like every child every born.I How i was gonna do this and that.Be a firefighter.Marry a girl,move to a small town,have kids.settle down.MY first veg memory was a man.it was fall,looked like a drifter.Crossing the woods it looked like he lived in the woods.A gunslinger hat on and he looked at me.As he traveled on the enbankment.It seemed maybe he was mein the end of my life,or a ghost,or a dream.the secret tunnel in my basement that lead to the field of dreams.And there anything waspossible.When i was young i wished for diffrence,for super power's,to be a savage dictator,a Indian.But something misdirected me and
I became polar opposite.A man in his 30's came up to me,and handed me 20 dollar's.and told me to do the same when i was older.told me i would not understand, he was right.I've always longed for something but always find dead ends.In the dream I relized I could fly.The bicycle gang eating apples out of the garden's on eden