The story so far:
" I got you a great gift and it's under the tree!"
"Son, do you want to show some respect? you've been showered with presents. there are kids in other countries who don't even have clean drinking water!"
"So?Do you want me to take a belt to your butt?"
"No. Okay, I feel sorry for kids with no drinking water.'
"Open your presnt."
"What is this?'
"It's an izod vest. to go to school with."
"I don't want to wear this! it's too preppy!"
" You know what they wear in third world countries? leaves over their private parts. And that's it."
"Well you can see their bosoms in National Geographic. that's what I could've used for Christmas, a good girly magazine.'
" I heard that!" said the mother.
" Don't talk that way!" aunt Judy said. " women deserve respect."
" Well, what if I was gay? what would you have to say about that?'
" We'd buy you a year's subscription to National Geographic. But nothing more sexual than that.'
" well, i'm still not eating the cookies. They melt in your hands. gross."
" well then you'll love what we're having for dinner. Spinach and squash."
" Gross! Are you trying to turn me into an anerexic?'
" you are too young to say such things. You are supposed to be a free child."
" That is contradictory, if i ever heard such a thing."
" wel, the vegewtables are about ready for dinner. Could you help set the table?'
" AS long as I don''t have to eat it. Yuck.'
" Then you can go to bed hungry."
"No sneaking at midnight to the refrigerator for a microwave pizza."
" BUT MOM.."
" DOn't you buit mom me. Popeye eats spinach. and he's strong!"
Popeye was a deformed mutant. I wish Bluto would've won olive."
" WEll, you are going to be a Bluto if you don't stop eating fast food."
" I hate Christmas!"
" You are too young to hate Christmas. wait till you have to shovel snow and pay taxes."
" I'll live life the way I want to."
" Kind of reminds me of a saying I heard. If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."
(TO be continued?)