Discussion of "Chapter 6: Ego Tripping at the Gates of Dis" by Houlgrave

Very good! Nightmares and delusions....mind slipping, slipping...

It ended kind of "matter-of-fact" like. I think I would have elaborated more on the bleeding eyes thing. (It's no joke! I had a problem with my eyes bleeding back in high school! Very "Stigmata"!!!!)
I think I would have enjoyed seeing the whole day unfold before us vs just a few hours.
(That's my main beef with some of the other chapters, too. And that's why mine was soooooo friggin long...I felt like there was nothing to tie up the previous 2, so I found a way to do it and called all 3 chapters "one day" of his life. Now we have a breakfast rounding out day 2 and a nightmare topping off day 3 with no elaboration as to the rest of the days' details....what happened after breakfast? Why is he in bed and what bed? Home? On the road?).
Okay....it was illustrative and interesting. I was just hoping for more depth from others. Maybe I put too much emphasis on this for myself.

You make some good points Persephonie. These stories are good, but I also wish to see more detail, more of a daily life substance. I am waiting for someone to give him a day with someone that's heartfelt. Maybe his brothers, a scenario such as going fishing with them,or engaging in some other sort of last minute tradition. Maybe even inhaling mental medicine together, expressing the love that he feels for each one of them. Reminiscing about very memorable things for the last very time.

*shrug*. I just wanted to try something a bit different than what the last 5 days have brought, hence I wrote a dream sequence.

A slice of life day wouldn't be too bad for later though. :O

Houl, I loved it. don't get me wrong. Very well written addition man.

Great chapter Houl! You write a good devil!

I thought you delivered on this one Houl! Rebounding from the calm of the previous chapter, this one exploded. It was sickening and it seemed to fit in well with the way this storyline has developed. Up and down, up and down.
Also, I liked the ending. Leaves it open to some creative interpretation from the next writer.

I liked it...a lot. It's really difficult to get a whole danged day into a chapter. I mean, I tried. I really did and it took two very long parts to get from breakfast to early evening...lol. Irregardless of that...this was a very well written chapter!

Your Devil was actually very frightening, you gave us just enough for minds to take off of. I really enjoyed this. I do agree with the comments that a little tranche de vie would have been nice, but I wouldn't change this chapter at all. Perhaps only add to it.

Well, when you sit down to write anything (though we'll say the chapters here for context) you usually need to pick one of two goals: length/detail with the emphasis on a moving plot or character development with a focus on fleshing out some aspect of the story. The latter is less of hassle for me when I write because I generally have to spend less time editing myself (plus the word count is usually lower).

Anyway, glad you guys liked it for what it was. Seems like Day Seven completely ignored the bleeding eyes part though.... :(

Houlgrave, you're Devil is scary. I mean like child-wetting-the-bed-nightmarish scary. He's also probably the best written Devil character I've ever run across. Well done. I have to agree that the disconnect from breakfast to the dream sequence does detract a bit, but on its own, a great chapter to the story.