Discussion of "October Chill: Stepping Through The Shadow (Mary Ch. 2)" by Houlgrave

This is a great twist. I absolutely love the direction you took, it's the most appropriate for the story and has a lot of potential. Great job and great writing too. I loved the bit comparing black coffee to their states of mind.

That's what we call cutting the deadline close....lol... great continuation, btw...

"...I could feel it, hear it; Anxiety shot up within my chest, severing what little composure I had regained with a single, deathly snip of the scythe."

Beautifully written! You captured the two of them just right.

Concur, concur with all above, except psycho..geesh, what an after thought "great continuation, btw"...LOL. Just kidding psycho, bud.
I really like your writing style, especially leaving a sentence hanging and then starting the next paragraph with a word left from the previous but a whole different subject...whew, did that make sense? LOL.
great continuation, btw.....lol....5 stars!

Thanks so much for all the feedback guys. And yeah, I cut the deadline close.... :/

Also, I'm in the process of writing a novel atm, so I find it interesting to see what people think of my style. :)

I just learned that I'm to replace elevator_music (temp?). Anyway, that means I've got to follow this and Nash's original...sheesh!
You two are such profound thinkers and excellent writers...I'll have to ruminate a bit, I think..lol.

This is complete crap, and I give it 5 stars.
Keep up the good work douche face.

Well done! I love the line "severing what little composure I had regained with a single, deathly snip of the scythe" - very nice bit of prose!

I'm really enjoying the direction this story is taking. I'm excited to see where and how the preacher is reintroduced. This chapter (Mary ch.2) is excellent.

I liked the last line the best... gave it 5 stars for the excellent writing and great description!

You have missed 2 deaqdlines... I was lenient because I was dealing with a death in the family and was a little behind myself... but, seeing as how you have not logged in, made an attempt to contact me, or otherwise tried to get a sub, sorry, I have to replace you....

Ok... well, it's not too late to change things... each deadline is 5 days from the last... this Tuesday is the deadline for the fifth chapter... Are you able to get caught up? If so, I can drop the replacement and you can catch up, but as it is we have 2 storylines hanging and stagnant... Email me at psychopathic_vamp@yahoo.com
I'd like to get things back on track ASAP...

BTW... I happen to love your style and don't want to have to replace you on this project.... so hit me up ASAP so that I may inform the person that I told to replace you before he gets going and I can place him in a subbing position for others who have obligations to fill for work and family and such...

Vote: 4

No reason not to give you a 5, except that this is a contest, and rating all the good stories a 5 doesn't help determine a winner.

This is an excellent contribution. I like how you brought together nash's backstory with the preacher from the beginning. I wasn't sure where this would go after nash's chapter. I thought maybe the family would have sent the preacher, but I like what you set up here a lot better. You took a couple of ideas that could have been connected in many different ways, and chose one that seems very promising.

Overdose of punctuation, and it gets too deep for the depth it provides. It's good, but much fine tuning is needed.

Gee, an expert. Dude ain't punctuated **** and he's harping on you. Write a chapter, mister!

To each his own I guess. Punctuation has more than one use you know; it can be used to emphasise a point (or several points), seperate ideas in a more cohesive form, ect. Not much of an argument, but hey, that's how I see it.

Simply put, I use whatever punctuation seems appropriate whenever it seems necessary. :)

Hey Houl- I always enjoy your chapters man. You have a really cool style.
Nash’s leave was wide open for so many possibilities and I really liked the direction you chose…with Amos wanting to visit…and then the conversation switching to the Preacher. Nice sentences and word usage. I don’t know about the punctuation comment. I personally didn’t see any issues. Although, I myself tend to use a whole lot of punctuation so I probably wouldn’t recognize it anyway.
The only thing that sort of made me raise an eyebrow was the very last line…
“It was from that point, I think, that my mind began to die.”
On it’s own I think it works for the chapter…however I do not see how it’s going to fit into the context of the story. His mind is dying…Is he going mad? Is he losing his will to live? The sentence itself, and it’s placement at the end of the chapter, lead me to believe it’s going to be meaningful to the rest of the storyline.
I guess we will see!
Gave ya a 5.

Houlgrave you followed this up fantastically. Your writing style is unique and I enjoy reading your work. 5, for sure....

very delineative

HOLY MONKIES this is very good!

5/5!

I´m glad to see that a chapter with some depth of character and foreshadowing has some votes. Horror isn´t my favorite genre, but I do enjoy mystery and suspense. Thankfully you´ve reintroduced suspense and made room for more interesting chapters. Thank you for not unraveling the mystery too early. It´s also reassuring to see, based on the votes, that this site? internet audience has the attention span to appreciate a real story that won´t fit into a CSI or scooby-do episode ;-)

Congrats Houl!

Congratulations, Houlgrave!! Excellent job, obviously and man, you generated some votes... I don't think I've ever seen 50 votes on a chapter...lol.

Congratulations Houl!! I love your stuff and I'm glad you won:)

Good job, Houl! You stepped up and delivered and certainly deserve the honor. Keep up the good work.

Didn't one of honeygloom's chapters get fifty something votes? Or was that sixth place one...lol.

Thanks everyone! You all had kickass chapters also.

Congrats on your win Houl!