Discussion of "Infinity of the Void, and the Journey to the Next." by Grazi

Nicely done. A little dry in the beginning, but you quickly picked it up and finished with a flourish. thanks!

Really, really fantastic. The best is how the realization of the situation sort of sinks into you, word by word. I'm unable to recall the precise moment when I fully understood...but it was damn cool. And like seeing a movie with a really bad **** twist, (Fight Club), or one with a convoluted plot, (Memento), its really amazing to go back and witness it again from the all knowing perspective.
I really enjoyed this!

hey thanks you two! I admit it is dry and stagnant at the beginning, but I think maybe that was the intention. I think I wanted to express how desolate and eternal the absense of all perception felt, according to my imagination, and maybe some distant fragments of memory. When I write, it is from my subconscious to my fingers, so at times, I can only make suppositions based on how well I know myself(pretty damn well lol).

dogdeity, Im really glad you said that, I was hoping for some input on how the situation dawned on other people. I didnt really know what was going on myself until probably about 1/3 to 1/2 of the way through writing it. The first sentence had been playing in my head for a full day and a full night and I had been aching to get to a computer so I could see how the rest of it went lol. I can't quite explain what compelled me about the infinity of blackness. Possibly my obsession with interspace travel.

Anyhow thanks for the input you guys!

Liked it, didn't admire it. The structure is good, I appreciate the twist (only saw it coming as the skull was grasped), and your command of the language is solid. But something about the execution left me wishing for more. It's difficult to describe abstract concepts with detail enough to pull in readers - the infinite void, the blackness, the emotion - but I would've liked the magnifying glass to be applied to individual aspects. As a horrible analogy, it's one thing to write about the sweetness of dessert. It's more enthralling to detail the salty peanut butter swirls teasing my tongue before being overwhelmed by chunks of fudge brownies. (Yeah, I said it was horrible; I hope the idea carries.)

I wonder if you approach stories in a similar fashion as I do - crank it all out on paper; usually edit the latter part to make sure there's a tidy ending. You've got a knack for sci-fi; I'd like to read something more external that internal from you.

I'm curious where the next chapter could run with this. It feels a little like Stewie Griffin as the overintelligent infant, but with curiosity replacing spite and malice. Hmm.

With the intent of being transparent: I read the Attention Cheaters comment. I voted on your story, and I gave it 4 stars.

hehe I liked the last part :P But I really appreciate the criticism. You are partially correct: This story started out as the concept of an infinite void, I just sat down and started typing. When I was done, I went back and corrected my punctuation, and then published it immediately.
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I am rather impulsive with my writing, and thats kind of how I like it. If I can get great criticism like this from something that comes directly out of my subconscious, then I can more accurately tweak my skills so that it comes out exactly how I want it to the first time. I am a huge Thompson fan, and I think his Gonzo style is brilliant, partially because it is very similar to how my own inner narrative works.
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However you are still correct, the entire chapter was very stark and devoid of description. Maybe it was because I only took about an hour and a half with it(albeit a distracted hour and a half), or maybe it started out as a way to convey the desolation that the fetus felt during the beginning majority of the pregnancy. Or maybe its a mixture of both.
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Or maybe I just suck :P lol but thank you very very much for your comments. I actually began on the next chapter earlier today at work, and I definitely took a much more descriptive and "flavorful" route. Unfortunately it all got erased about 800 words into it, so I gotta start all over again.

I quite enjoyed this. I read it AFTER I read your request for insights on the subconscious thought process, and somehow it pulled me in better than it might have otherwise. I think I realized what was happening when he started to see the tiny light...that's when it felt like birth to me. I thought it was quite beautiful, really. The only thing I have in the way of criticism? I would have liked a bit more emotion when he was placed in the arms of his mother....I don't know what, exactly, maybe a bit more recognition? Relief? More description of those feelings? But I really did like it. I gave you a four star rating.

Thank you very much, I actually agree with you.. I was rushed towards the end and I left out some very colorful emotions that my cortex wanted to express, but.. what can ya do?? I am very impulsive and publish all my work as soon as I type the last word. Thanks for the praise!