Persephonie, I guess I'm just frustrated, nobody likes to be a newcomer learning the ropes. Anyway, I like what you've started and I want, as much as I can, to honor the idea you had when you started writing. I know there is a mystery afoot! I just know there is. Oh, I love a good mystery. I always sneak and read the last chapter of a book and I can't do that here. I just hope that you will leave us a bread crumb or two so we get to see what was in your head when you came up with this story!

Hey Nashville, my last comment was not for you. Actually, I just read your e-mail and I'm so happy someone finally dished some positive criticism. I was getting concerned. I think this contest is my last go round on story mash. I think I've had enough.

I feel like I should be on my knees thanking you for asking questions that I can answer, believe it or not. I was hoping someone whould notice that Lansing has problems which prevent him from acting "like a cop". Notice, he's on a desk.

The part about the killer was a tough call. In my mind, if he plans to murder only one woman per commandment, he is done killing and, for ten long chapters, we are only dragging out the hunt and capture. So, I used the author's reference to Nona and the number nine to put a spin on the killers motivations. I didn't mean to lose anyone.

Franco's line about not wanting to know his daughter was just kidnapped by a known murderer seemed natural to me. But, then again, like I said, he has issues which I hope someone else will pick up on and mash to pieces.

Next, you are absolutely, one hundred percent right about the verb tense issue (Are you an editor, publisher, or agent? Because, they hate verb tense issues). I hate improper verb tense usage! I tutor English and it's the one thing I harp on! I try so hard to catch those kinds of things in my writing but, I never seem to catch them all.

Moving on. I left the questioning of Corren to someone else. Who knows, maybe later on, someone will think to ask her what she saw. As for Adara, she thinks the killer is someone she knows personally but, he's not. She's just as wrong as you are right about her realization being a red herring.

About the van, I thought I put it in the chapter that they were too far away from the van to get to it before the killer drove off. Adara chose to go for the car and follow the van so they didn't lose the killer. She didn't get the feeling she knew who the killer was until he spoke to her on the phone about Norse mythology.

As for Paige, the chapter we are mashing has the killer calling Adara from Paige's cell. I just threw Lindsey in to further connect Lansing and Davis. I have to say, I'm not so sure there are multiple plots. I feel like the killer found each woman guilty and punished her but, his mind is bigger than simple murder. Aren't most psychos geniuses?

As a psych major, it is difficult for me to imagine a man who would so brutally murder women just because they didn't obey their parents. In my head, something much larger is going on and I think we, as a community of writers, can figure out what it is.

I hope you will read more of my work and offer your opinion and suggestions. Good advice is welcome advice and an honest, straight forward critique is invaluable to an unpublished author. I fear the red pen but, I respect it too.

Thank you once again. Take care.

I'm sorry but, most of the details I have in my chapter are already on the table. First, The killer called Adara on her daughter's cell so, I just assumed he had kidnapped her. I offered the name of the victims and a further explanation for the nine concept - which the original author herself placed in her chapter. I also tied the character of Lansing (who is in my first chapter in the contest) to Adara simply because I was told my chapter DIDN'T connect and lastly, the killer is calling Adara on her cellphone - I guess I just assumed that meant she knows him and he knows her.

Really, the only way you would have to mash my chapter is if I won this segment of the contest and since I've been told my stories aren't "mashable" I highly doubt that's going to happen.

Still, I believe a story can have as many angles as the ocean has waves so, I'll let you in on my little secret. My next move is that Adara is wrong. She just let the killer get away with their daughters and the killer isn't who she thinks it is. So now, if I win, you can pick up on the story line and I'll be the one to find another angle to mash.

I have to say I'm not having much fun writing on story mash. On writing.com we loved these kinds of challenges and the more we had to piece each others crazy angles and turns together, the more we loved it. We even e-mailed each other back and forth for clues on how to move the story forward. The atmosphere was so much different. I miss that and thought I would find it here at story mash.

I don't want you to think I'm angry. E-mails don't allow tone of voice to come through. I'm not mad. I'm just a writer trying to find a place in the community, like everybody else. I'm still trying to find my way around and, instead of feeling welcome here, I feel like I should just pack up my tent and head out of town.

Sorry to unload this all on you but, I'm frustrated. I even had Katrina tell me Miguel isn't spelled with a Q and she's never heard of it being spelled with a Q! Well, I'm Hispanic and I have and, what does that have to do with anything? Lord, I guess I better shut up before I get blackballed from this site.

Anyway, Adara's wrong. The man she thinks is the kidnapper can't possibly be the kidnapper. He knows about her knowledge of Norse mythology for reason's other than a personal relationship. How you play it from here is up to you.

Good luck and God Bless.

First - The Den is a work of fiction which is in no way, shape, or form based on true events.

Second. Each time there is a line space, it is a pause in conversation. Since I'm writing in monologue, the pauses come where you, the reader, and the person Evil is speaking to, would be answering his questions or talking back to him - if you're brave enough!

Hope this explanation makes 'The Den' easier to read.

By the way, thanks for staying tuned.

Getting into this characters head is hard to do. It takes me many rewrites to make it sick enough to sound like my sicko. What he's doing to his son kind of makes me sick but, who knows how the son will pay his father back? I hope you all stay tuned to find out.

If you like, come on down into The Den. I'm sure I can find something for you to do.

writerwannabe, you guessed it! This was not written as a "feel good story". There is a sicko on the loose and Thad is his true victim. I hope you keep reading. It's getting juicy!

Okay, this story gave me the shivers and I thought only Stephen King could do that! I read this late one night and my mind kept trying to tell me there was a pattern or something that I was supposed to be catching on to that I didn't. I like that! Usually, I catch on to the plot within a few paragraphs and then the rest of the story feels predictable and mundane. There is no possiblity for that here. I know your story was chosen for the contest but, I hope you keep writing it yourself. You got some kind of mystery going and I think you should finish it!

Thank you all so much for your comments. This is a story I pulled out of my "box". I am glad it's been so warmly received. I know it's a little long on background but, it kind of explains why the story develops the way it does. I so appreciate all the feedback. I look forward to hearing what you think about the rest of it.