Discussion of "October Chill: One to Remember" by Elevator_Music

Hmmm. I liked the chapter idea and the direction you took the story. I had trouble reading it, though, because there were too many grammatical errors; missing periods, commas, quotation marks and several complete words. I know that we (most of us) write these chapters extremely fast and errors are to be expected. But, in this chapter, they were too many. Obviously, the nature of this mash (psycho's game, I call it) is going to create comparisons to the other seven chapters. Unfortunately, this one below the standard set in the previous six chapters. My opinion, of course. I DID like the direction and substance and I'm sure you can do better, grammatically, in future chapters! I voted you a 3.

LOL...see, I even left out a word in the danged comment!

Go to: Graph (draft) by dogdeity11

this has the full layout for the story

Great slant - I really liked "The sound of giggles squeezed its way through the cracks of the closed door like whisper from the grave."

Hey Elevator,
I think you may be the only one to head in this direction…if I understood correctly. Sort of a ‘Secret Window’ feel? I loved it.
Its curious though and don’t be offended, did you write this drunk? It’s got such great lines and impressive thoughts and feelings…yet the punctuation becomes distracting at times. I’m not the best with proper sentence structure myself, I admit. But you have to do some more proofreading. You owe it to the wonderful chapter you wrote to make it flow as easily as possible for the reader. Those missed commas or run on sentences can mess up the magic.
Even so, I logged a 5 here. You have some great lines. Like this one:
“Dust drifted across the room carried on invisible currents and for a moment I watched it dance.”

great direction, but I also have to agree... the grammatical errors take away from the overall flow of the story... regardless, the premise of the story is great...

YOUR NEXT CHAPTER IS DUE TOMORROW

You've failed to meet a deadline and have not logged in to announce a sub or any other intentions... unless you contact me, a replacement has been found

It's difficult to sustain interest watching one person battle for his sanity with a bottle of Paxin and the will to forget. You managed that part well. I would've liked less of the aforementioned distractions and something a little more concrete to work with. Is he the preacher? Does any of this have to make sense? What rules of reality must he abide by? If they're all gone, it's hard to care. Favorite line was one I missed on first reading: Each was labeled with what was inside dolls, clothing, jewelry, daddy no, toys, tea sets. Yuck.
(3)

It's all cool.... If you are ready to jump back in, let me know what's going on and we can straighten things out... just let me know how you want to work things out... I'm easy-going and I understand life gets in the way sometimes... hell, I just got over being extremely ill and my wife's grandmother just passed away, so it's gonna be hell trying to get my next chapter done amidst everything... but like I aid, just let me know what's going on...

I have requested your assistance for a story...if interested click on my name and read "I am requesting 28 authors...." and go from there.

I just read your story. not bad at all, just had to read due to grammatical errors. Trust me, I know how it gets sometimes....i voted you a 4