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Doveman

Date Joined: April 15, 2008
Last Login: Aug. 20, 2014

20 Comments by Doveman

10 most recent / all comments
1 Doveman 6 years, 4 months ago Context

Brrrrrr....buried alive stuff gives me the chills.
Excellent work. Too bad no one has done anything with this.


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1 Doveman 6 years, 4 months ago Context

Not a bad idea for a mash. You leave things really open for other authors to play with.
This chapter does need some structure. Huge block paragraphs make for difficult reading.


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1 Doveman 6 years, 4 months ago Context

Pretty good stuff you have here. Reminds me of the book of Revelations or some parts of Divine Comedy. Very epic(...and frightening) in nature. I would like to see where you go with this one.


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1 Doveman 6 years, 4 months ago Context

This is certainly an intriguing beginning you have here. Aside from some awkward sentences I liked it quite a bit.


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1 Doveman 6 years, 4 months ago Context

Thank you for the comment. The next chapter should be up next week...I'm thinking Tuesday.


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1 Doveman 6 years, 4 months ago Context

nice mash man.

...and welcome to Storymash. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff.


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1 Doveman 6 years, 4 months ago Context

I have the complete story in mind, just not on paper, but feel free to throw in a chapter wherever you want.

Maybe I'll have my next chapter up on Monday or
Tuesday.

Also, sorry about the length. I didn't cut this one down as much in the editing process and I guess it probably shows.


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1 Doveman 6 years, 4 months ago Context

If the goal of this story and its previous chapter is to make me feel discombobulated, or to make me experience, through words, a trip of some kind, then excellent work.

I really have no frame of reference in my own life that compares to these stories, but they do have enough imagery to make them interesting reads. Fun stuff!

I give it a 4!

Ratings explained!!!

Mostly I only connected to the story on an intellectual level. I understood what was going on but it didn't trigger any "soul strings". Not to say it was bad by any mean, just not my cup o' tea.

Just a few technical errors, but I don't really dock points for that.

"let he who live without sin cast the first stone"

I am not that man, asI just can't seem to keep those pesky errors from sprouting in my own work.

Lets see some more stuff.


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1 Doveman 6 years, 4 months ago Context

I liked it. Lots of good back story.

I give it a 4.

Speaking of stars, is it just me or do contest stories seem to tank on the star ratings?

Damn ninja critics!


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2 Doveman 6 years, 4 months ago Context

Seems pretty interesting.

I liked both this and the prelude. You write some excellent action man.

I'm going to refrain from giving a star rating, if only because it's so difficult to give final thoughts on a work-in-progress. This seems to happen with me quite often around here.

Good luck finishing/editing/publishing your novel man!


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6 Chapters by Doveman