Brrrrrr....buried alive stuff gives me the chills.
Excellent work. Too bad no one has done anything with this.

Not a bad idea for a mash. You leave things really open for other authors to play with.
This chapter does need some structure. Huge block paragraphs make for difficult reading.

Pretty good stuff you have here. Reminds me of the book of Revelations or some parts of Divine Comedy. Very epic(...and frightening) in nature. I would like to see where you go with this one.

This is certainly an intriguing beginning you have here. Aside from some awkward sentences I liked it quite a bit.

Thank you for the comment. The next chapter should be up next week...I'm thinking Tuesday.

nice mash man.

...and welcome to Storymash. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff.

I have the complete story in mind, just not on paper, but feel free to throw in a chapter wherever you want.

Maybe I'll have my next chapter up on Monday or
Tuesday.

Also, sorry about the length. I didn't cut this one down as much in the editing process and I guess it probably shows.

If the goal of this story and its previous chapter is to make me feel discombobulated, or to make me experience, through words, a trip of some kind, then excellent work.

I really have no frame of reference in my own life that compares to these stories, but they do have enough imagery to make them interesting reads. Fun stuff!

I give it a 4!

Ratings explained!!!

Mostly I only connected to the story on an intellectual level. I understood what was going on but it didn't trigger any "soul strings". Not to say it was bad by any mean, just not my cup o' tea.

Just a few technical errors, but I don't really dock points for that.

"let he who live without sin cast the first stone"

I am not that man, asI just can't seem to keep those pesky errors from sprouting in my own work.

Lets see some more stuff.

I liked it. Lots of good back story.

I give it a 4.

Speaking of stars, is it just me or do contest stories seem to tank on the star ratings?

Damn ninja critics!

Seems pretty interesting.

I liked both this and the prelude. You write some excellent action man.

I'm going to refrain from giving a star rating, if only because it's so difficult to give final thoughts on a work-in-progress. This seems to happen with me quite often around here.

Good luck finishing/editing/publishing your novel man!