Discussion of "Pearl of Morning" by Cornelius

Damn, how did I overlook the change from "her" to "you"? Hopefully you won't mind doing the same. Other than that I am proud of this one. ;)

You should be proud, Cornelius. This is beautifully written and the emotion is described honestly. Bravo.

This is a great title!

I haven't felt this way about most of the work I've seen here, but this definitely speaks to me. You painted it perfetly; the imagery (or lack thereof), the emotion, the rises and falls. Just splendid. Hats off to you, sir.

Thank you very much, good people.

Wow..."Everything beautiful will end one day." Heartbreaking stuff. Lovely chapter and some very nice imagery and sounds as the sun is about to rise (frogs, dogs, etc.). This sounds like a place where I would like to live (the calmness of the lake, the presence of ducks, etc.). I think my only question is whether this is supposed to be a married couple or two people who have just been together for years. (No mention of kids, vows taken, etc. Just wondering.) The pacing is good here, and there is a quiet steadiness about the tone that mirrors the surroundings of the peaceful lake and all the animals that live there. A great, in-depth examination of the rockiness of relationships. The title is beautiful and perfect.

amazing story

Corny -

Long time no see, but I remember your skill with a loom - you can weave a yarn. Nicely done. My preference is always for more tangibles, better clarity, experiences. Your supplying the last of the nocturnal frogs and no bread for the ducks teased at what I so longed for.

Even so, you painted with a soft, delicate focus -angry finger paintings transformed into Monet's water lilies. Your characters could aptly be named He and She and you danced with some intimate concepts - not merely the lovemaking, but the fights. I wish there was more than conceptual Man and Woman in the Relationship, but I suspect your intent was to leave them vague.

You hurt me. I hurt you. Dialog? Example?

Broken heirlooms? The ceramic carousel we received as a wedding gift because you loved horses and I loved clowns.

I'll shut up now. Your story.

Thank you, Becca.

Norcia, that was a nice review. Well written. They are probably married, but maybe not. Apparently no kids.

Nash, thanks for stopping by. I had been hoping one of my old friends would drop in. A lot of my writing energy has been going to politics lately, in other venues, but I do so love to make things up. Yes, it tends to be my style to be vague on some details and leave the reader wanting. In this case it just came out that way. ;) Your mild criticism is more than counterbalanced by your eloquent praise. I value your input and your respect. Very nice to see you still wandering these halls. See ya 'round!