want to participate?
login or register

Cornelius

Date Joined: Aug. 5, 2008
Last Login: Aug. 10, 2014

414 Comments by Cornelius

10 most recent / all comments
1 Cornelius 2 years, 3 months ago Context

As usual, a radiant and engaging bit of writing. Yes, I do appreciate the tangibles. The contents of the bag. The twin mahogany doors. Your character's commentary is sharp and witty. He reads her, yet is unable to really connect. The dichotomy of a knowledge that doesn't bear fruit when it is asserted. She is cool and controlled, and he is a relic from the final chapter of an age where men made all of the rules.

Maybe she finally smiled at him, or maybe that is just a wishful libido still punching through the haze of chemo?

Nice to see you, Nash.


  hidden comment from Cornelius with score of 1
2 Cornelius 2 years, 3 months ago Context

Thank you, Becca.

Norcia, that was a nice review. Well written. They are probably married, but maybe not. Apparently no kids.

Nash, thanks for stopping by. I had been hoping one of my old friends would drop in. A lot of my writing energy has been going to politics lately, in other venues, but I do so love to make things up. Yes, it tends to be my style to be vague on some details and leave the reader wanting. In this case it just came out that way. ;) Your mild criticism is more than counterbalanced by your eloquent praise. I value your input and your respect. Very nice to see you still wandering these halls. See ya 'round!


  hidden comment from Cornelius with score of 2
1 Cornelius 2 years, 3 months ago Context

There are some technical problems here, but it is a curious little project. It has always bothered me what must happen to electric locks and windows when they short out in water. Used to be you simply rolled down your window manually, or waited for the pressure to equalize before opening your door. First time I have seen anyone write about this. It does seem a bit awkward and rushed, with some sentence structure issues. It was interesting enough that I read the whole thing. I rated it "could be better". Cheers!


  hidden comment from Cornelius with score of 1
1 Cornelius 2 years, 3 months ago Context

I have read and reviewed two of your stories so far. "Pre-school Bullies" and "Baby-Doll Babies". Cheers!


  hidden comment from Cornelius with score of 1
1 Cornelius 2 years, 3 months ago Context

You have talent! The story is very creative, original and disturbing. It has a good pace and flow. But what really sticks with me in this one are your short, vivid character descriptions. In just one or two sentences you effectively convey the appearance and personality of your characters. Impressive. I enjoyed the touch of compassion from the arresting officer, where he sees no point upsetting the mentally ill woman by telling her the babies are dead. You are a good writer.


  hidden comment from Cornelius with score of 1
1 Cornelius 2 years, 3 months ago Context

I loved this story! It is full of surprises right to the end. At first I am afraid the main character is going to snap on the kids after being bullied by her husband all those years. Then, the "substitute" driver introduces a new potential menace. What did he have planned for the kids? The conversation with the dispatcher is a clever device for delivering more information- not too much, just enough to add to the tension. Then I got choked up when the kids all rallied around Joel, but was afraid that the the police would aggravate the situation and cause Joel to snap. I was sure glad it all ended well! What you managed to do here is keep a level of suspense and foreboding throughout, while nothing truly terrible happens. That is quite an accomplishment. 4.5 from me. I like your poetry just fine, but you have a real talent for character development and story-telling.


  hidden comment from Cornelius with score of 1
1 Cornelius 2 years, 3 months ago Context

This reads much better. I really enjoy the snappy dialogue, and it is interesting that she is thinking back to when she first met this man, back when she was 20. It makes me wonder what she has been through, how old she is now, and how she has changed. There are a couple of places it might have been better to use different punctuation. The story shifts from 1st person to 3rd person. I did that in "Pearl of Morning", so don't feel bad. I can see the stream, cold and dangerous, and the fact that he caused her to fall in and then saved her life is a fun set-up for their banter. The dialogue really is a lot of fun. Classic.


  hidden comment from Cornelius with score of 1
1 Cornelius 2 years, 3 months ago Context

Excellent! Each character had their own voice. A novel approach. I enjoy how I am riveted to the story while still having very little information about what has actually happened. The father's comment is at once amusing and disturbing, like he is in denial- has to push Charles out of his head, and may have done so habitually. If I get around to mashing this, I might be inclined to insert "Reporter:" for an alternate narrative point of view, sort of a step back, if you will. Nice work in any case.


  hidden comment from Cornelius with score of 1
2 Cornelius 2 years, 3 months ago Context

This is powerful. The sense of futility and despair are well conveyed. The last 11 lines are like the final and steepest part of a slide. Those last few lines- two and three words per line- is like a final few panting breaths. I do have a suggestion. Try removing the word "him" from the very end. See what I mean? It leaves more of an echo. Do you agree? Nice work.


  hidden comment from Cornelius with score of 2
1 Cornelius 2 years, 3 months ago Context

Complex questions made simple. I appreciate that talent.


  hidden comment from Cornelius with score of 1

39 Chapters by Cornelius