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Discussion of "Revelations" by Cinder_Ella

2 Aggeloi 7 years, 3 months ago Reply

An interesting continuation, and a very interesting twist! This chapter led me to some more observations about our friend Cindy:

Her description of her relationship with Mike amused me - it sounded more like she was writing a romance novel than telling her friends a story, with the level of detail she was going into. I suppose that's logical, considering how it all turned out.

I felt a little pity for her when she started crying in the bathroom. It vanished as soon as she started thinking about her friends. Molly, the one she had earlier identified as a woman with such a temper that she ruined her marriage, is now a gutsy, courageous woman? Wealth and power are the only ways to gain confidence and high self-esteem? Man, that Cindy girl has something twisted up in her brain, for sure.

I started to feel pity again at the revelation that she's infertile... but lost it again when she started going on about how she wanted to be envied by the other ladies, so much so that she'd rather weave elaborate lies than admit how miserable she was and get help.

And once again, I started to feel pity for her as she reflected on her relationship with her husband... and it started wavering as the description grew. I haven't lost it entirely, I'll admit, since I know some women who stay in relationships with jerks even though they know how jerky the behavior is. But it's hard to associate the abused Cindy with the woman who tries to be smugly superior to her friends. I would imagine someone experiencing the abuse she describes would be more apt to believe the abuser's lies - that she is worthless and pathetic - since otherwise, there would be no reason to stick around. Believing those lies keep the abused person coming back for more. And someone who believes they are worthless typically won't make a power play with their friends. So I guess it wasn't that Cindy lost a degree of pity from me, but rather a degree of believability.

That all said, I do find myself caring more about the characters and curious to see if she's going to keep playing out this lie or turn to her friends for help. Keep it up!

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1 Cinder_Ella 7 years, 3 months ago Reply

Aggeloi, I love the level of detail in your feedback. I hope you keep doing so. I feel Cindy has been pushed around by her husband so much that instead of fighting his impression of her..she wants to ensure that she either maintains or raises good impressions of her from others. Maybe in her mind good is her ability to take risks. We'll see if her lies help her become a condfident woman or lead her down a destructive path. Or if she decides to fess up and take the heat for it what would that do to her self-esteem.

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1 Aggeloi 7 years, 3 months ago Reply

I'm glad you like my rather lengthy comments. Some people would feel offended; I'm glad that you recognize I'm only writing what I write to try to help you see how readers view your work and where improvements might be made. Like I said, I'd love to see more!

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2 JRosemary 7 years, 3 months ago Reply

I think Aggeloi's comments are spot on--it's hard to add anything. I, too, am unsure how I feel about Cindy at the moment or her abrupt change from smug superiority to feelings of worthlessness and envy. I can see how the two sides fit together, sort of, but I found myself surprised that Cindy was so conscious of the envy she felt. I'd have thought she was hiding that even from herself.

I found myself wondering if Cindy's friends would buy her story about Mike. As Aggeloi pointed out, it sounded just like a romance novel! I suspect that Cindy's friends already have experiences with her fantasies and may just be playing along . . .

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1 Cinder_Ella 7 years, 3 months ago Reply

I've been trying to find the time to continue with this..but life has a different plan..but i'll definetly be back soon with the next part. hope you all tune in.

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