Speedometer at 0, stuck in a jam

Somewhere along 30 kilometres of freeway is where I am

Haven’t moved in sometime, an hour or two

I’m stuck here, bored, and dunno what to do

The traffic continues to pile up, and I stay still

I just wanna get home, go out, and take some pills

But that won’t be happening for sometime yet

Gotta stay calm, just relax and not fret

I need to pass the time before I get home

All I see it antennae, side mirrors and rims of chrome

But what to do in this auto build-up?

I know. I’ll deal with my own build-up

There’s no better time to tickle me pink

There’s too much noise to just sit here and think

If I slide down in my seat, on one should see me

Playing with myself, arriving to ecstasy

So I slide down, and become out of sight

And turn up the radio for some afternoon delight

Looking out my windscreen, glare from the sun

So I flipped down my visor and began the fun

I undid my button and slid down the zipper

Like some sort of self obsessed, party for one stripper

After a moment or two, my tackle was set free

It took a gasp of air and greeted me happily

I’m on my way to shooting my load

And the traffic’s still not moving along the road

Stroking rhythmically to the radio and the beat

One hand of the handbrake, the other on my meat

I focus on the exhaust pipe in front and start to visualise

The illustrious passage in between a woman’s thighs

The smoke coming out is a familiar sight too

Recalling the prostitute and how she smoked a cigar with her woman lagoon

That was an amazing night, with the goat and all

And how she proceeded to pin me against the wall

Then grabbed out her stainless steel nun-chucks

And took a swing at my not-so-painless nuts

It was all unforgettable though, an incredible night

The nun-chucks were used again; turns out I’m pretty tight

But back to the task in my hand, I’ve almost arrived

A timeless pleasure that I’m never denied

I’m just about to shoot my load into the tissue

When up arose a serious issue

Just at the time when I was about to come

The traffic started moving, and I got run up the bum

Holy ****, I missed the tissue and now it’s in my hair

And down at my ankles lay my pants and underwear

When I heard a knock at my window and looked up

There, a man, in checkers from an 18-wheeler truck

The traffic started moving and I pressed the pedal

To accelerate forward, they must have thought I was mental

I’ll never get over that day; it’s stuck in my head

The lesson I learnt though: Only masturbate in bed