Here beginneth the tale of Chaucer the Brave

All the fair maidens, Sars and Syphilis he gave

He rode day and night, on his stead full of pluck

All pimped out, travelled well, looking for a ****

Chess, his game of choice, hour after hour played

All the time in between, bitches after bitches laid

A cape of cotton worn, the badge of lightening shown

From flaccid to erect, only half an inch grown

Shoes of the Nike brand covering his feet

If a bitch doesn’t put out, she’s gonna get beat

An open right hand to the side of her face

Keeping his chin up high, Super Chaucer feels no disgrace

Because she deserved it, she should have opened wide

Ready for his miniscule penetration, from front and behind

He’s too cool for a girlfriend of any calibre or size

SC’s way too proud, with his penis similar to small fries

He’s all about the women, skinny, medium or fat

But just to be sure, he carries a paper bag, cause the fatties need that

How do you expect SC to **** a chick that’s not so hot?

Well, that’s easy: roll her up in flour and aim for the wet spot

He’s all about the ****, two ghetto scoops of booty

Putting out with all the ugly ugo’s his sworn duty

Hits the pubs at night looking for a score

But with no money, he resorts to killing a whore

Chaucer doesn’t care, he just smirks, he’s too proud

Especially when he bumps into people, with his erection, in a crowd

Sometimes he ram-raids people, the element of surprise

His choice is anal so he doesn’t have to look her in the eyes

Sex is a sport to Super Chaucer, it’s all about the final goal

His motto: “**** her well, and quickly, and fill each hole”

Sometimes he has an off night and goes home alone

Unsatisfied with his efforts, he gives himself a bone

Turns on the porn, candles flickering, tissues in hand

Stroking rhythms, like a trombone from a brass band

Barry white in the background, in touch with himself

He then goes and gets his fleshlight off the top shelf

In glorious succession, he roots it til it’s run out of power

Picturing a goat and leash, he loves the last hour

He spent with himself, until he reaches the end

Happily his fleshlight, Barbie doll and VCR his best friend

He rolls over, satisfied, arm weak, and ready for bed

The only thing he regrets, is that he can't give himself head