Discussion of "The Night Begins" by Cheeseliker

Great beginning. I think we should eventually collaborate on something. Gunther Chpt 4 has been posted by the way.....

awesome beginning for a mash cheeseliker.
Im looking forward to seeing where someone takes this...

Hmmm...sounds like someone is about to lose those doldrums:) Nice beginning!

Thanks for the comments guys, I plan on adding a chapter soon. Also, this is meant to be pretty open-ended for people to add their own ideas.

Good character introspection and a nice hook to boot. Great mashing material, I gave it a 5.

Thanks, please read the next chapter and give me some advice. I don't know whether to leave the chapter as it is, or add to it.

I couldn't wait, so I just published the next chapter. Let me know what you think.

Great start and perfect mash material! A really nice job, cheeseliker. I'd already formulated a mash when I read that you "couldn't wait"..lol. OK, let me read the next chapter and see if there is still something there for me...5 point!

Be careful whenever you use "etc" in a story. It should rarely, if ever, be truly necessary. Using it makes it appear like the author is at a loss for words.