Aneesa hadn't been able to focus on school much, since her thoughts were mainly about Gizelle. It seemed like over the last few weeks they had grown very close. They did everything together, and seemed to be inseperable.
Most people on campus just assumed they were best friends, but Aneesa knew differently, she knew there was more there. She could no longer deny her attraction for Gizelle, and she wanted to talk to her about it. She was curious to know if she felt the same way. Aneesa wondered if her feelings made her what people called a homosexual. Her mother warned her about things like that, she said people like that would surely burn in hell. But Aneesa thought to herself, who is she to talk?
Aneesa lay across her bed with her headphones on, blocking out the noise of Gizelle typing on her beloved laptop.
Gizelle was laying comfortably across the end of Aneesa's bed, while Aneesa lay at the top.
Aneesa tapped Gizelle with her foot, as she took off her head phones.
"What's up?" Gizelle asked without looking up.
"I need to say something to you." Aneesa said trying to build up her nerves.
"Shoot." Gizelle said sitting up and facing Aneesa.
"I think I'm a homosexual." Aneesa admitted.
Gizelle looked Aneesa over.
"What makes you think that?" She asked.
"Because I have these feelings and I don't know why." Aneesa said. "But I know what I'm feeling is wrong Gizelle."
Gizelle sat there for a moment quietly as if she were trying to figure out what to say next.
"Who says it's wrong?" Gizelle asked.
"My mamma...she always say homosexuals will surely burn in hell." Aneesa answered. "But I've never felt like this and I don't know what to do."
"I understand how you feel." Gizelle said taking Aneesa's hand into hers.
"You do?" Aneesa asked.
"Yeah...cause I feel the same way." Gizelle said. "But I don't label myself as anything...I just like who I like ya know?"
"Yeah I understand." Aneesa said.
They both sat quietly for a moment wrapped up in their own thoughts.
"Aneesa I think there could be something special between us." Gizelle finally said.
Aneesa smiled at the idea, but suddenly frowned remembering what her mother wrote for her. She specifically wrote that she would remain single until after she graduated, and would marry a rich man. She then realized there was no way possible she could deal with Gizelle.
"What's wrong?" Gizelle asked.
"Nothing." Aneesa said taking her hand away.
She began putting on her tennis shoes preparing to leave.
"Why the sudden change in mood?" Gizelle quizzed.
"There's no change I just have to go." Aneesa lied. "Everything's fine."
She tied her tennis shoes, and grabbed her jacket.
"Aneesa don't leave I thought we were talking." Gizelle pleaded.
Aneesa wanted to stay, and she wanted to tell the truth. But her mother forbid her to tell anyone their family's secret. She claimed people would look down on them, and not understand. She badly wanted to tell Gizelle her future was already written and Gizelle wasn't in it.
Aneesa rushed out of their dorm room without saying another word. She walked past the students that crowded the hallways, and headed downstairs to use the public phones.
She wanted to call Asiya, hoping she could make her feel better. She called their house phone several times, but got no response. She figured her sister had just went out, and thought nothing else of it.
Aneesa wanted to return to her room, but wasn't ready to face Gizelle. She decided to go to the library that was on campus, and do some reading.
She stayed in that library for hours hoping that when she returned Gizelle would be sleep or gone.
She turned her key slowly in the door, releasing the lock. She pushed the door open slowly, and peeked her head in the door to find a dark room.
She tip toed inside figuring that Gizelle was asleep since she saw what looked like a body under covers.
"I'm not sleep." Gizelle said sitting up in her bed. "I was actually waiting for you to come in."
Aneesa sighed as she flipped the light on in their room.
"I know your afraid of the whole homosexual thing." Gizelle said.
The truth was Aneesa wasn't afraid of it, she was more afraid of disobeying what her mother wrote. But how could she explain that to Gizelle without her thinking she was crazy?
Aneesa plopped down on her bed, and faced Gizelle.
"It's not about that." Aneesa finally said. "It's deeper than you can imagine."
"Are you worried about what your mother will think?" She asked. "Because it took my parents a long time to accept it too!"
"My mother's dead." Aneesa said. "She died right before I came here."
"I'm so sorry to hear that." Gizelle said with sympathy.
"I'm not." Aneesa heard herself say.
Gizelle looked at her with widened curious eyes.
"Are you sure your ready to hear this?" Aneesa asked.
"As ready as I'm going to be." Gizelle said.
Aneesa took a deep breath, and leaned her back against her headboard.
"My mother wasn't your ordinary mother." She began. "She had something special that she passed onto my sister."
"Something special?" Gizelle asked looking confused.
"When she was born she had a special talent that she discovered when she got older." Aneesa explained. "She could write out people's lives and if they read what she wrote it would come true."
"Say what?" Gizelle said.
"I know this all sounds crazy but I swear it's true...even my sister can do it...but not me." Aneesa said. "My mother could pick up a pen and write out how someone would live there life. And if they read it it would come true."
"So what happens if they don't read it?" Gizelle asked.
"If they don't read it it's just writing on paper...has no meaning." She said. "But if they read it and refused to go along with what it said...they would mysteriously die."
"My God!" Gizelle gasped with her hand over her mouth.
"My sister hates it!" Aneesa said. "She wants no parts of it, but my mother makes her write stuff."
"Stuff like what?" Gizelle asked.
Aneesa paused for a moment wondering if she should tell Gizelle about her mother's death.
"Asiya wrote my mother's ending." She said. "My mother was in her final stages of cancer, and she was in alot of pain. She refused to go into the hospital but she wanted to be put out of her misery. So she made my sister write her ending."
"And after she read it she died?" Gizelle asked.
"I watched her die." Aneesa said with tears building up in her eyes.
Gizelle sat next to Aneesa and patted her back.
"At first I was sad that my mother had died...but now I'm glad." She said pounding her fist on her bed. "My whole life she's threatned to write me to my death if I don't do exactly what she says. My whole life I've been afraid of her! And now that she's gone I can't say that I'm sad...I would have to say that I'm relieved."
Gizelle sat quietly just listening to the words that flowed out of Aneesa's mouth. Aneesa wondered what she was thinking.
"That's why I can't have anything to do with you." Aneesa said softly.
"But she's dead now." Gizelle said just as soft.
Aneesa buried her face in her hands, and began to cry harder.
"Before she died she wrote my future." She sniffed.
She opened up her nightstand, and handed Gizelle some papers.
"Read this." She said before going into the bathroom.
Aneesa took a long hot shower trying to relax herself. She had wished she would have burned the papers in the fire place just like Asiya did. But because of her fear for her mother she couldn't, and now she would suffer.