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Discussion of "Bitten" by Cal_3


1 theblackhand 5 years, 10 months ago Reply

I was drwan in from the beginning. This was well written, well thought out. I loved the creepiness of it.

These type of stories are hard to write. they have been done so many times. Your take on it was crafty and original. I look forward to the next chapter.


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1 Cal_3 5 years, 10 months ago Reply

Thank you very much! I look forward to the next chapter as well :P


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1 writerwannabe 5 years, 10 months ago Reply

Lots of grammatical errors, but MAN...suspense par excellence! Very nicely done. You kept the tension mounting from the first paragraph and ended in an almost perfect anti-climax. Bravo!


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1 Cal_3 5 years, 10 months ago Reply

Thank you :)


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-6 maoripete 5 years, 10 months ago Reply

One of your lines was '200 words short..'
Well this is about 400 words too long.
Suffers primarily from shitty editing,poor construction and clutter. I can only pray that this was your 1st draft.
In a real writing class the teacher would likely have asked you to either cut it in half then re think the active / passive voice or, if they were truelly committed to your education, burn it then scatter the ashes onto the playground of the local kindergarden.
Keep writing like an amateaur and you'll always be an amateaur.


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2 Cal_3 5 years, 10 months ago Reply

Thank you for your input.


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1 honeygloom 5 years, 10 months ago Reply

Definitely needs some editing, the mistakes were a little distracting in places. Overall though, good descriptions and really tense.


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1 Cal_3 5 years, 9 months ago Reply

Haha thanks. I know its littered with mistakes. I didnt bother editing it before I published it on storymash.

A little childish but I wanted to make sure I got the mood. Sounds like I did fairly well! ^_^

Thanks for input and comments!


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