Discussion of "Tale of the Blackmailman" by Blackmailman

All I can say is wow! Didnt really make much sense, but whether this was your intention or not, I had a literal ROFL. Hilarious. Good work!!!
I had to give it a 4.0

I'm sure there's a deeper meaning to it that I did not see. I think whatever you're trying to say is delivered very articulately because what you have here really left an impression although I don't understand what. I like it.

Ok....that was different. I think that this was one of the few stories I had to re-read....
Very graphic....Impressive

Ok, I messed around and hid my comment, and can't get it showing again. But, this is an interesting story, very dark.

lol about the hidden comment and thank you.

First off... The name is misleading. I thought it was a tale about someone who was blackmailing others.

But moving on, absurdity can be fun, but I have to say I wasn't all that entertained by this instance.

The line about clumps of applesauce sounded good, like a metaphorical vision of cholesterol, before I realized the piece was aiming for absurd and it became a bit cheapened by the fact.

The description of the postmaster's face and veins prior to the explosion was nicely done.

The last line of paragraph 3 seems to mix up the pronoun "him" between the postmaster and mailman: "there was not a single question, which doubted him" (postmaster, right?)
"no longer did he feel casual" (either, but probably the mailman?)
"for he was indeed nervous" (mailman)

I suppose it could be referring entirely to the mailman, as if he were to wonder if he were nervous? The sentence before it, however, focuses so much on the postmaster and what he's thinking ("had heard enough") that I thought the sentence in question was referring to him to begin with.

I also think a semi-colon or period might better serve after "which doubted him" than the comma that's there now. I also think the commas used prior to that point are unnecessary.

Maybe it would work better as:
"Nervous was the white mailman and there was no question about it; there was not a single question which doubted him. No longer did he feel casual, for he was indeed nervous." Honestly, I think the "there was not a single question which doubted him" is superfluous as well, but I get the impression it's intended to help keep a certain rhythm implied by the commas, so I opted to leave it in for that example, though I think a fine rhythm can be maintained without it as well.

The mention of the suitor's daughter is from out of left field, which ought to be appropriate enough for a piece that seems to strive so hard for absurd, but it seems out of place even here. The uterus, exploding postman, and girl coming in to lose lots of limbs all make more "sense" within the story's context, but the daughter thing just pops its head in and pops right back out. The only explanation I can think of for this is that it refers to some other work? I first thought "That has the sound of a bible reference" but searching Google for "suitor's daughter" doesn't net me anything remotely like it, and not much in the way of other references either.

The entrance-and-demise of the girl seemed rather quick and glossed-over compared to the two postal workers, but I suppose the story did intend to focus on the white mailman.

Good description, and nice punchline, but I still have to say I didn't enjoy it.

One thing I forgot: "access" should be "excess." I probably wouldn't normally bring it up except that it's a pretty crucial word there (and I can think of no particular cleverness in the use of the term "access" as it is).

ROFL. Well, I got to say thank you for the thoughtful feedback. Yes, I wrote this about 5 years ago and didn't really pick through it with a fine tooth comb before I posted. Unfortunately the "access" cannot be fixed due to Storymash's policy of no edits once published.

On the other hand reading back on some of my old random stories I find the grammatical errors add to the humor. For me at least.

As for the suitor's daughter, I was reading a lot of Jane Austen type stories for school.

But anyhow, this kind of story wasn't intended to be dwelt on, every line analyzed as some rich concise contrived novel. This is a speed read, fastfood, shallow, meaningless. It's meant to snowball a laugh. Arch back to reread and the experience crumbles.

And of course this isn't for everyone, but thank you for reading.

LMAO. I have a white mailman and he is nervous, however, I am glad he wasn't the subject of your story because the last mailman before him consistently gave me someone else's mail. I wonder if he is now YOUR mailman, which would give me cause to think that maybe you wrote this out of a sincere wish for him to be assaulted in such a strange manner. I thought this was a funny piece. You have a 'kooky' side that keeps me expecting the unexpected, yet still not expecting ..... that.