Discussion of "La La Land..." by BazookoJones

Five stars, Baz. One of the best I've read on this site since joining.

OMG! ITS EXCELLENT,KEEP THE GOOD WORK BAZ.

ya by the way i wanna talk to u do u have email?

I like your idea, the little rambling asides are good to a point. It is almost TOO much, a very fine line there. I would love to see how you take it from here.

AMAZING you have to continue! that was great! I loved the begining about how you told people it was so bad because all it did was wanna make them find out why. really great job! please continue.

and I agree with jd this is one of the best i've read sinse joining

This story is pretty good.

Great stuff, Baz! I really liked how you plotted this out...using the Stephen Kingish ploy of talking to the reader, mixed with hospital scenes and all of that entwined within a not completely clear, but exciting premise.

I noticed JD's comment about this being one of the best she's read since joining. Glad I did. I agree...;o).

Only one comment about the structure. There are several really long sentences with numerous comma's (strangely though, no semi-colons). My point being that I think the story would have flowed a teensy bit smoother had you written some of those long sentences into several smaller ones. ;o)

I agree. i think it's great so far and can't wait to read more. it did seem to take a bit to get into it but once you did it Sucked me in!

I agree. i think it's great so far and can't wait to read more. it did seem to take a bit to get into it but once you did it Sucked me in!

Wow, great story! Stories of Utopia usually grip me, maybe, because I too wouldnt mind finding utopia. But, we keep dreaming, romantics ;). One line that I thought was fantastic, probably coming from the poetic side:

"It felt like a hangover from Hades."- brilliant!

5 stars keep going with this, I wanna see what this Utopia really is !

very impressive